Ten Types of College Football Fans
By Matt Osborne
SouthernPigskin.com
Here are ten types of college football fans that you will undoubtedly run into this fall.
One of the best byproducts of college is the community which it creates. People that generally would not associate with each other can suddenly become united because of a common passion or rooting interest, making for an eclectic mix of college football fans.
In such a large community of fans nationwide, you are certain to have a fair share of characters that make game days “interesting”.
Here are ten types of college football fans that you will undoubtedly run into this fall.
Leave a comment and tag your friends to let them know which fan best embodies their personality.
1. The Coach
Why does your athletic administration feel the need to spend millions of dollars hiring a big name head coach when it has a fan with superior knowledge that would be willing to lead the team for free?
“The Coach” possesses a transcendent knowledge of all things football, and is generous enough to share their insight with anyone that will listen. Sure, they may have never played a down of football in their life, but those years of playing Dynasty Mode on the Xbox have adequately prepared them for a life of running a real program. If just given the opportunity, they would certainly be able to maximize the potential of the players on the roster, putting the current coaching staff to shame in the process.
2. Fire Everybody
Much like “The Coach”, “Fire Everybody” is certain that there has to be a more competent coaching staff somewhere out there for their favorite team.
Their team just played the top-ranked team in the country within a field goal on the road? It doesn’t matter. If those “bums” on the coaching staff knew what they were doing, they easily would have won the contest.
But it isn’t enough just to get rid of the head coach – EVERYBODY has got to go! If only those athletic trainers would have been a little more prompt with their water bottle runs. How can our wide receivers catch the football when the soda vendor is yelling so loud from the stands. A complete overhaul of the program is undoubtedly the only thing which could solve such a dilemma.
3. The Question Master
To be fair, “The Question Master” is frequently invited to join a game by somebody else in the group and is not present on their own accord.
Regardless, their genuine thirst for knowledge and information doesn’t allow them to keep their questions in their mind.
“Why do they keep running the football in the middle of the field where all the players are?”
“How come the quarterback keeps throwing the ball to the defense?”
“Isn’t it illegal to hit somebody that hard?”
We might not always have the answers to all of their thought-provoking questions, but “The Question Master” causes us to search deep within for truth and wisdom on a game-to-game basis.
4. Uncle Rico
Lady Luck can be so cruel.
Uncle Rico really shouldn’t even be watching this game with you in the first place. If coach would have just put him in during the fourth quarter, they would have been state champions….no doubt in his mind. The fact that the NFL is overlooking his ability to throw the football over a mountain is the type of egregious error which has driven numerous franchises to ineptitude.
Other versions of Uncle Rico are only watching the game and not playing in it because of unfortunate injuries. Naturally, had their knee not given out, you would be wearing their jerseys right now.
5. The Fashionista
“Look good, play good.”
That logic has often been used by players to explain the many accessories they wear. But the same logic is also applied by “The Fashionista” to improve their fandom.
How in the world are you supposed to cheer for your team correctly if you don’t have the right attire? How is your team going to know that you TRULY support them unless you dress up like you actually play for the team?
Much like Jennifer Aniston’s boss in “Office Space”, this fan is all about the flair. 15 pieces of flair is just the minimum……we want you to express yourself!
6. The Pretender
Nobody likes to feel like an outsider. As such, sometimes people feel the need to fit in by contributing to the conversation despite a complete lack of knowledge about the subject.
Here is a hint: If you are talking about whether or not Derrick Henry can win another Heisman Trophy and giving your explanation for why Mark Richt is due for a bounce-back year at Georgia, there is a pretty good chance that you are “The Pretender”.
It’s okay that you don’t know as much as everybody else when it comes to college football. Acceptance is the first step to correcting this problem.
7. The Storm Trooper
Maybe it’s just me, but I seemingly always found myself surrounded by someone that was dead-set on storming the field after the game during my childhood years.
Your team just won by 40 points over an FCS school you had previously never heard of? What better time could there be to storm the field and tear down the goal posts?
No security contingency, potential prison term or even bodily harm can deter “The Storm Trooper” from making it onto the field at the end of the contest. Passion and enthusiasm run at an all-time high…..logic and reason can sometimes, however, be in short supply.
8. Superstitious Sammy
Why are you giving the coaches and players the credit for all of the wins in recent seasons, when you really know that it was “Superstitious Sammy” that is responsible for all of the program’s success?
There is no height to which “Superstitious Sammy” will not go to ensure that he will give his team the “Juju” it needs in orders to win its upcoming game. Just pass the lucky chip bowl and make sure the volume level is set at 20 if you really care about winning.
9. The Old Timer
You’ve never heard of 99 percent of the players “The Old Timer” references during your conversations.
The only thing, in fact, that your conversations have taught you is that the team would have never made that mistake if General Neyland was in charge.
You know the sorts of comments “The Old Timer” likes to make.
“How come our defense gives up 20 points per game? The Yale Bulldogs played 13 games in 1888 and they didn’t give up a single point the whole season!”
I’m not exactly sure how things have changed in college football over the past few decades. I just know that, according to “The Old Timer”, the changes have been for the worse.
10. Bandwagon Billy
“Bandwagon Billy” sure didn’t seem to care all that much about football when the team was struggling to reach bowl eligibility, but all of a sudden he is the team’s No.1 fan now that they have reached the top.
But even worse than the “Bandwagon Billy” that suddenly starts caring at the first sign of success is the “Bandwagon Billy” that suddenly jumps ship at the first sign of trouble.
Here is a good litmus test to figure if you are a “Bandwagon Billy”: Are you a diehard Alabama football fan? Have you always cheered for the Villanova basketball team? Does your favorite NFL team play in New England? Were you one of the fans that just knew that Cleveland was going to win the NBA title this season?
If you answered yes to all of those questions, you, my friend, are a “Bandwagon Billy”.
Soooo, there ya go!! Y'all feel free to name yourselves and others as you best see it!!
Example: uscwatson21 @ #2 & #4 Combo, the Fire Everybody, Uncle Rico type!
By Matt Osborne
SouthernPigskin.com
Here are ten types of college football fans that you will undoubtedly run into this fall.
One of the best byproducts of college is the community which it creates. People that generally would not associate with each other can suddenly become united because of a common passion or rooting interest, making for an eclectic mix of college football fans.
In such a large community of fans nationwide, you are certain to have a fair share of characters that make game days “interesting”.
Here are ten types of college football fans that you will undoubtedly run into this fall.
Leave a comment and tag your friends to let them know which fan best embodies their personality.
1. The Coach
Why does your athletic administration feel the need to spend millions of dollars hiring a big name head coach when it has a fan with superior knowledge that would be willing to lead the team for free?
“The Coach” possesses a transcendent knowledge of all things football, and is generous enough to share their insight with anyone that will listen. Sure, they may have never played a down of football in their life, but those years of playing Dynasty Mode on the Xbox have adequately prepared them for a life of running a real program. If just given the opportunity, they would certainly be able to maximize the potential of the players on the roster, putting the current coaching staff to shame in the process.
2. Fire Everybody
Much like “The Coach”, “Fire Everybody” is certain that there has to be a more competent coaching staff somewhere out there for their favorite team.
Their team just played the top-ranked team in the country within a field goal on the road? It doesn’t matter. If those “bums” on the coaching staff knew what they were doing, they easily would have won the contest.
But it isn’t enough just to get rid of the head coach – EVERYBODY has got to go! If only those athletic trainers would have been a little more prompt with their water bottle runs. How can our wide receivers catch the football when the soda vendor is yelling so loud from the stands. A complete overhaul of the program is undoubtedly the only thing which could solve such a dilemma.
3. The Question Master
To be fair, “The Question Master” is frequently invited to join a game by somebody else in the group and is not present on their own accord.
Regardless, their genuine thirst for knowledge and information doesn’t allow them to keep their questions in their mind.
“Why do they keep running the football in the middle of the field where all the players are?”
“How come the quarterback keeps throwing the ball to the defense?”
“Isn’t it illegal to hit somebody that hard?”
We might not always have the answers to all of their thought-provoking questions, but “The Question Master” causes us to search deep within for truth and wisdom on a game-to-game basis.
4. Uncle Rico
Lady Luck can be so cruel.
Uncle Rico really shouldn’t even be watching this game with you in the first place. If coach would have just put him in during the fourth quarter, they would have been state champions….no doubt in his mind. The fact that the NFL is overlooking his ability to throw the football over a mountain is the type of egregious error which has driven numerous franchises to ineptitude.
Other versions of Uncle Rico are only watching the game and not playing in it because of unfortunate injuries. Naturally, had their knee not given out, you would be wearing their jerseys right now.
5. The Fashionista
“Look good, play good.”
That logic has often been used by players to explain the many accessories they wear. But the same logic is also applied by “The Fashionista” to improve their fandom.
How in the world are you supposed to cheer for your team correctly if you don’t have the right attire? How is your team going to know that you TRULY support them unless you dress up like you actually play for the team?
Much like Jennifer Aniston’s boss in “Office Space”, this fan is all about the flair. 15 pieces of flair is just the minimum……we want you to express yourself!
6. The Pretender
Nobody likes to feel like an outsider. As such, sometimes people feel the need to fit in by contributing to the conversation despite a complete lack of knowledge about the subject.
Here is a hint: If you are talking about whether or not Derrick Henry can win another Heisman Trophy and giving your explanation for why Mark Richt is due for a bounce-back year at Georgia, there is a pretty good chance that you are “The Pretender”.
It’s okay that you don’t know as much as everybody else when it comes to college football. Acceptance is the first step to correcting this problem.
7. The Storm Trooper
Maybe it’s just me, but I seemingly always found myself surrounded by someone that was dead-set on storming the field after the game during my childhood years.
Your team just won by 40 points over an FCS school you had previously never heard of? What better time could there be to storm the field and tear down the goal posts?
No security contingency, potential prison term or even bodily harm can deter “The Storm Trooper” from making it onto the field at the end of the contest. Passion and enthusiasm run at an all-time high…..logic and reason can sometimes, however, be in short supply.
8. Superstitious Sammy
Why are you giving the coaches and players the credit for all of the wins in recent seasons, when you really know that it was “Superstitious Sammy” that is responsible for all of the program’s success?
There is no height to which “Superstitious Sammy” will not go to ensure that he will give his team the “Juju” it needs in orders to win its upcoming game. Just pass the lucky chip bowl and make sure the volume level is set at 20 if you really care about winning.
9. The Old Timer
You’ve never heard of 99 percent of the players “The Old Timer” references during your conversations.
The only thing, in fact, that your conversations have taught you is that the team would have never made that mistake if General Neyland was in charge.
You know the sorts of comments “The Old Timer” likes to make.
“How come our defense gives up 20 points per game? The Yale Bulldogs played 13 games in 1888 and they didn’t give up a single point the whole season!”
I’m not exactly sure how things have changed in college football over the past few decades. I just know that, according to “The Old Timer”, the changes have been for the worse.
10. Bandwagon Billy
“Bandwagon Billy” sure didn’t seem to care all that much about football when the team was struggling to reach bowl eligibility, but all of a sudden he is the team’s No.1 fan now that they have reached the top.
But even worse than the “Bandwagon Billy” that suddenly starts caring at the first sign of success is the “Bandwagon Billy” that suddenly jumps ship at the first sign of trouble.
Here is a good litmus test to figure if you are a “Bandwagon Billy”: Are you a diehard Alabama football fan? Have you always cheered for the Villanova basketball team? Does your favorite NFL team play in New England? Were you one of the fans that just knew that Cleveland was going to win the NBA title this season?
If you answered yes to all of those questions, you, my friend, are a “Bandwagon Billy”.
Soooo, there ya go!! Y'all feel free to name yourselves and others as you best see it!!
Example: uscwatson21 @ #2 & #4 Combo, the Fire Everybody, Uncle Rico type!
