I'd cross my hand across my waist and tell her " I've had it up to here with you"!
OT: Dating a midget. Advice needed, because I don't want to have a bunch of drama in my life.
- Thread starter jsusc
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OP, I truly hope everything turns out well for you, but if you do have to call the police I have just one request. If you live in Columbia, try to wait until Friday, because that would be the best Live PD segment ever!
Hang in there, their is a silver lining (somewhere) in the near future.
Until you bonk her in a dumpster, you have done nothing.
Just face the facts, if your "Johnson" is too small for a midget, it is just really too small.
Outstandin*, yet unbelievable. Yes please call the cops on Friday after 9 pm, please oh please!
Seriously why do you have a drawer full of old football tickets. Time to say hello to adulthood, frame them by seasons or decade.
Those old football tickets...… That 2000 blackout game is worth at least $3.
I like looking at them and holding them. Fond memories. How many people here can say they have their very own 1996 Central Florida ticket? Or a stolen pen from the Lake City, Florida Knight's Inn from the 1996 game in The Swamp?
If she can bring it, so can I. I'm not going to just stand there like a lemon and take it.
I am glad I can say I witnessed this thread first hand. Unbelievable. Anyone else wish we could get a visual on this young lady? That would help determine the amount of bat-$hit-crazy that is acceptable. I mean her hotness determines the number of mulligans she get. Am I right?
At some point we have to spare our brother from harm & unnecessary damage physically emotionally & his property..... he gave this a chance but barring some (ill advised) attempt at devotion etc..... Time for our man to seek the polite conclusion unless professional assistance becomes necessary. Easier to keep a friend if that can be avoided.......
I prefer to urinate outside if possible, on grass if possible. I just enjoy that. At work that isn’t always possible, but I can live with using the toilet away from home to urinate. HOwever, I will not defecate on any toilet outside of my home. In my entire life I have defecated maybe three times on a toilet not at my house. Whether it be school, work, a restaurant, a game….wherever...I just never did it. Working a lot of security guard jobs like I have, I’ve mostly been at sites where I’m working alone at night and could do it somewhere outside and no one would ever know.
In 2018 I had been working as a security guard on 3rd shift at a site for a good while, and the place was always closed for several days before and after holidays like Thanksgiving and Christmas, so during those times I would go for days at a time without seeing anyone. A couple of days after Thanksgiving I was sitting there around 3am and had to defecate really bad and finally decided to go in a grassy area near where I park about 50 feet from the guardhouse. I didn’t think any employees would be coming in for at least another day or two. Still, something told me it was a bad idea and that I should at least raise the little arm like you see at a railroad crossing where the employees come in, but I didn’t. So I took off my uniform and underwear and went over there wearing only my white t-shirt, hat, shoes, and socks. This place was a good mile off the main highway, so the only time you would see anyone would be when employees drove in or out and when people that worked at another place about a half mile down the road drove past.
Right after I had finished I heard a car coming down the road, and I thought, just run back to the guardhouse, and if I had took off right then I probably would’ve been okay, but I hesitated, and sure enough a pickup truck pulled into the drive. All I could do was hide behind a little shelter that looks like a bus stop where some employees would wait for their rides. This idiot pulls up to the gate that I would normally open after seeing that they had their parking pass in their windshield and just sits there. I couldn’t do anything because I would have to walk right past his truck to get into my office. After a minute he starts blowing the horn. The dumbass should’ve used his i.d. Card on the scanner, which would open the gate if a guard wasn’t there, but either he was too dumb to know how, or he forgot it. All I could do was hope he left, but he kept sitting there blowing his horn, and eventually got out and went to look in the guardhouse. After not seeing anyone he got back in and kept blowing his horn. After about what seemed like 5 minutes I skirted down the drive behind some of the trees that were there, then across the road at the end of the drive. The drive was probably a good 50 yards long and it was dark out, so I hoped once I had to go out in the open I’d be far enough back he wouldn’t see me, even with the streetlights that were on the driveway. After I got back there and went across the road I slipped into the woods, which are pretty thick, on the other side of the drive. I had to walk through the woods, hoping not to fall or get bit by something or scrape my pecker on a branch or something.
I managed to get back near the guardhouse, then basically slithered a good fifteen yards or so from the woods to the door, ducking down and opened the door and more or less crawled to the switch to open the gate. At this point it had been at least 10 minutes he had been waiting there, and he went on in. I got myself cleaned up and finished my work night. I was worried I’d get reported and get in trouble, but after a couple of days nothing happened so I thought I was okay. But about a week later my supervisor said the guy had complained and they had to look at the cameras near the guardhouse. There were only two that were positioned to show the employee license plate if they were speeding and that showed the entrance to the guardhouse, and they saw me coming in like that. My supervisor didn’t want to fire me, but his hands were tied. I really liked that job, but I refused to use the repulsive guardhouse bathroom. I regret nothing.
Dude, you are one great story teller. Heck of a transition from midgets to outdoor defecation. Most people would come up short if they tried it.
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Pretty sure your autobiography would sell if you were to write it. It could be a short story.
This is funny as hell but honestly this just cannot possibly be a true story. Interesting fiction by a midget loving naturalist gate guard though...
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let’s let things evolve, kinda like the pending eviction, we aren’t even 200 posts in and doubting the truth with out all the supporting elements delivered yet could minimize the total greatness of this post.
Agreed. Supporting elements could include some small pics or short gifs which would greatly reduce the shortcomings of his current substantiation.
Im curious but did you have to pick her up to put her on the bed, or does she had a step stool or something?
OP, Do you know exactly what skeletal dysplasia she suffers from? Some are associated with genitourinary malformations explaining the black hole, while others may be associated with anger management and alcoholism. She could just be really frustrated about being 4 feet tall and not your inadequacy. I don't think you should throw her out with the garbage...too much love here.
Does she wear high heels? That may help both of you. Maybe you can combine some of your other fetishes and her propensity for beating you with your love-making. Just a thought.
Keep us updated.
Should seriously pitch this story to Prime or Netflix though.
"A man. A simple man. A man with tragic flaws: chronically unemployed because of his Colon's love of nature...mocked by all who once loved him for his below-average peen. Now, through an unlikely chance at love and happiness he has a chance to fix his broken life. Right now, it's just short-term attraction. But together, they hope to stay low, avoid the little problems, and find some small amount of joy. Coming this spring on Netflix, starring JSusc...1 1/2 Tickets to Paradise."
