One of mine is Cousin Eddie: Merry Christmas! Shitter was full!"
The above is only one of my many favorites. LOL!
The above is only one of my many favorites. LOL!
OT: What was your favorite line from the movie National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation?
- Thread starter Freddie.B.Cocky
- Start date
Way too many, but We use “something real nice” all the time.
BTW - are you in Hendersonville?
BTW - are you in Hendersonville?
"Where's Eddie? He usually eats these damn things (squirrels)."
"Not recently, Clark, he read they were high in cholesterol."
"Not recently, Clark, he read they were high in cholesterol."
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Every time Catherine revved up the microwave, I'd piss my pants and forget who I was for about half an hour or so.
Every time Catherine revved up the microwave, I'd piss my pants and forget who I was for about half an hour or so.
When Clark tells Eddie his RV looks nice parked in the driveway. Eddie responds, "
"Yeah, it sure does. But, don't you go falling in love with it now, because, we're taking it with us when we leave here next month. [Clark nearly chokes on his drink]"
"Yeah, it sure does. But, don't you go falling in love with it now, because, we're taking it with us when we leave here next month. [Clark nearly chokes on his drink]"
If I woke up tomorrow with my head sewn to the carpet, I wouldn't be more surprised than I am now.
That whole rant was epic.
Merry Christmas, merry Christmas, kiss my ass, kiss your ass, kiss his ass...
That’s the gift that keeps on giving the whole year.
"Do you really think it matters, Eddie?" Brilliant.
Yeah, I got the daughter in the clinic gettin' cured off the wild turkey. And the older boy, bless his soul, is preparing for his career.
College?
Carnival.
You gotta be proud.
Oh, yeah. Yeah, last season he was a pixie-dust spreader on the Tilt-O-Whirl. He thinks that maybe next year, he'll be guessing people's weight or barking for the Yak woman. You ever see her?
She's got these big horns growing right out above her ears. Yeah, she's ugly as sin, but a sweet gal. And, a hell of a good cook.
I hope nobody I know drives by and sees me standing in the yard staring at the house in my pajamas.
If they know you’re dad, they won’t think anything of it.
Ya know that metal plate in my head? I had to have it replaced with a plastic one. Every time Catherine would rev up the microwave, I'd wet my pants and forget who I was for about half an hour. So over at the VA, they had to replace it with a plastic one that is not as strong. So
I don't know if I oughta' go sailin' down no hill with nothin' between the ground and my brains but a piece of government plastic.
Do you really think it matters, Eddie?
Well see, the plate runs right underneath my part right here? Over here, there's nothin' but here - if this gets dented - then my hair just ain't gonna look right.
College?
Carnival.
You gotta be proud.
Oh, yeah. Yeah, last season he was a pixie-dust spreader on the Tilt-O-Whirl. He thinks that maybe next year, he'll be guessing people's weight or barking for the Yak woman. You ever see her?
She's got these big horns growing right out above her ears. Yeah, she's ugly as sin, but a sweet gal. And, a hell of a good cook.
I hope nobody I know drives by and sees me standing in the yard staring at the house in my pajamas.
If they know you’re dad, they won’t think anything of it.
Ya know that metal plate in my head? I had to have it replaced with a plastic one. Every time Catherine would rev up the microwave, I'd wet my pants and forget who I was for about half an hour. So over at the VA, they had to replace it with a plastic one that is not as strong. So
I don't know if I oughta' go sailin' down no hill with nothin' between the ground and my brains but a piece of government plastic.
Do you really think it matters, Eddie?
Well see, the plate runs right underneath my part right here? Over here, there's nothin' but here - if this gets dented - then my hair just ain't gonna look right.
Clark: "Hey kids, I heard on the news that an airline pilot spotted Santa's sleigh on his way in to Atlanta."
Eddie: "You serious, Clark?"
Eddie: "You serious, Clark?"
A
anon_n4c0cp5zhdxn7
Guest
My favorite 2 are already noted, shitter full and head sewn to the carpet.
#3, "I wasn't talking to YOU."
#3, "I wasn't talking to YOU."
Catherine says he's been holding out for a management position.
Cousin Eddie: If only I had back the money Catherine and I sent that TV preacher who was screwing the hockey player.
Clark: Well, what about the kids?
Cousin Eddie: His kids can fend for themselves...
Clark: No, what about YOUR kids...
Clark: Well, what about the kids?
Cousin Eddie: His kids can fend for themselves...
Clark: No, what about YOUR kids...
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Clark: "Where do you think you're going? Nobody's leaving. Nobody's walking out on this fun, old-fashioned family Christmas. No, no. We're all in this together. This is a full-blown, four-alarm holiday emergency here. We're gonna press on, and we're gonna have the hap, hap, happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby tap-danced with Danny ****ing Kaye. And when Santa squeezes his fat white ass down that chimney tonight, he's gonna find the jolliest bunch of assholes this side of the nuthouse."
"Shitting bricks."
"Don't use that word"
"Sorry, shitting rocks"
"Don't use that word"
"Sorry, shitting rocks"
Well, at least it is next month, not next year which might be the case with some people.
"That's pretty low, mister. If I had a rubber hose, I would beat you . . ."
I love all of the quotes above but the rant below is my very favorite.
Clark Griswold:
I want to look him straight in the eye and I want to tell him what a cheap, lying, no-good, rotten, four-flushing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless, heartless, fat-ass, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed, sack of monkey shit he is! Hallelujah! Holy Shit!
Where's the Tylenol?
Clark Griswold:
I want to look him straight in the eye and I want to tell him what a cheap, lying, no-good, rotten, four-flushing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless, heartless, fat-ass, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed, sack of monkey shit he is! Hallelujah! Holy Shit!
Where's the Tylenol?
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"Hey Eddie, can I get you a refill? Snack? Take you out in the middle of nowhere and leave you for dead?"
Frances: Talk about pissing your money away. I hope you kids see what a silly waste of resources this was.
Audrey Griswold: He worked really hard, Grandma.
Art: So do washing machines.
Audrey Griswold: He worked really hard, Grandma.
Art: So do washing machines.
I would hate like heck to have a Father-in-Law like Art. If I did, I would do one of two things, 1, Move far far away or 2, get a divorce. LOL!
