OT: Undisciplined children

[DibbleDee]

My wife's sister and husband and 2 kids recently moved to about an hour away from us. They came over and spent a few days here over Christmas/New Years. They use something called "gentle parenting." I had to look it up to see what it's all about. They are adamantly opposed to discipline. When the kids start throwing hissy fits/temper tantrums and being rebellious (they call it "getting overstimulated"), their solution is to take the kids outside so they can de-stimulate. They are basically unmanageable children. One has been diagnosed with mild Autism (very highly functioning) so, unfortunately, they blame all of his misbehavior on that. My wife is a pediatrician and acknowledges that he's definitely got some signs of Autism, but they are mostly speech delays. The kid just pitches a royal fit whenever he doesn't get his way. We had to watch them for an hour while his parents were in the basement on a Zoom call. He was out of his mind b/c we, unlike his parents, wouldn't let him do whatever he wanted. When his dad came up, the kid was basically telling on us for being mean and not letting him go downstairs and interrupt their call. The dad APOLOGIZED to the kid (he's 4) for not giving him enough information about what was going on ("I'm sorry buddy. That must have been very frustrating for you. We should have told you what was going on.").

When it's time to eat, they don't just tell the kids "It's time to eat" like we do. No, it's "do you want to come to the table to eat?" They basically don't tell their kids to DO anything. They ask them most stuff. And, don't get me started on eating. I made biscuits, bacon, eggs, hash browns and chocolate chip pancakes for breakfast one morning. The one kid had to have 2 pigs-in-a-blanket from snack food we made the evening before. When the kids are pitching a fit about not wanting to eat whatever it is, they try to connect with them ("Why do you feel that way?"). When they were here for Christmas dinner, we had the whole spread (ham, mashed potatoes, gravy, baked corn, cranberry sauce, macaroni and cheese, sweet potatoes), and his mom had to open a can of corn for him to eat like 3 bites of.

The older kid routinely screams in his parents' faces.

For the younger kid, at diaper change time, he always pitches a royal fit about not wanting his diaper changed. So they end up bribing him with youtube videos on their cell phone. We just swat the leg once and that does the trick.

My wife and I are not tyrants at all, and probably go easier on our kids than our parents did on us, but we definitely ascribe to the "spare the rod, spoil the child" philosophy.

I told me wife "Do NOT offer to ever babysit for them." I don't know how we could. I simply do not know how to manage with a child who can't be disciplined or corrected. I know that not everyone takes the same approach to discipline, but I don't see how they can look at their kids and not plainly see "Geez, what we're doing ain't working."

It was basically chaos. It made my wife sad b/c she can barely have any time to talk to her sister since the kids are always yelling or screaming about something and they simply won't allow the kids to be unhappy for any length of time. And it makes us less enthused about having them over.

Neither of us are drinkers, but I was looking for a shot of whiskey after they left.

 

[Gamecockben1979]

My wife's sister and husband and 2 kids recently moved to about an hour away from us. They came over and spent a few days here over Christmas/New Years. They use something called "gentle parenting." I had to look it up to see what it's all about. They are adamantly opposed to discipline. When the kids start throwing hissy fits/temper tantrums and being rebellious (they call it "getting overstimulated"), their solution is to take the kids outside so they can de-stimulate. They are basically unmanageable children. One has been diagnosed with mild Autism (very highly functioning) so, unfortunately, they blame all of his misbehavior on that. My wife is a pediatrician and acknowledges that he's definitely got some signs of Autism, but they are mostly speech delays. The kid just pitches a royal fit whenever he doesn't get his way. We had to watch them for an hour while his parents were in the basement on a Zoom call. He was out of his mind b/c we, unlike his parents, wouldn't let him do whatever he wanted. When his dad came up, the kid was basically telling on us for being mean and not letting him go downstairs and interrupt their call. The dad APOLOGIZED to the kid (he's 4) for not giving him enough information about what was going on ("I'm sorry buddy. That must have been very frustrating for you. We should have told you what was going on.").

When it's time to eat, they don't just tell the kids "It's time to eat" like we do. No, it's "do you want to come to the table to eat?" They basically don't tell their kids to DO anything. They ask them most stuff. And, don't get me started on eating. I made biscuits, bacon, eggs, hash browns and chocolate chip pancakes for breakfast one morning. The one kid had to have 2 pigs-in-a-blanket from snack food we made the evening before. When the kids are pitching a fit about not wanting to eat whatever it is, they try to connect with them ("Why do you feel that way?"). When they were here for Christmas dinner, we had the whole spread (ham, mashed potatoes, gravy, baked corn, cranberry sauce, macaroni and cheese, sweet potatoes), and his mom had to open a can of corn for him to eat like 3 bites of.

The older kid routinely screams in his parents' faces.

For the younger kid, at diaper change time, he always pitches a royal fit about not wanting his diaper changed. So they end up bribing him with youtube videos on their cell phone. We just swat the leg once and that does the trick.

My wife and I are not tyrants at all, and probably go easier on our kids than our parents did on us, but we definitely ascribe to the "spare the rod, spoil the child" philosophy.

I told me wife "Do NOT offer to ever babysit for them." I don't know how we could. I simply do not know how to manage with a child who can't be disciplined or corrected. I know that not everyone takes the same approach to discipline, but I don't see how they can look at their kids and not plainly see "Geez, what we're doing ain't working."

It was basically chaos. It made my wife sad b/c she can barely have any time to talk to her sister since the kids are always yelling or screaming about something and they simply won't allow the kids to be unhappy for any length of time. And it makes us less enthused about having them over.

Neither of us are drinkers, but I was looking for a shot of whiskey after they left.

This type of parenting is why society is the way it is now. Good luck teaching those kids anything about overcoming adversity.

 

[jawdropper]

It’s the way of the world now. Like your wife, I work with children. Parents will actually ask their child if they want a procedure done🤦🏻‍♂️😂 Nothing is ever anyone’s fault. Children don’t have the mental capacity to make difficult decisions and part of their frustration is they don’t have boundaries. But I’m just an old school, mean old man😂😂😂

 

[DibbleDee]

This type of parenting is why society is the way it is now. Good luck teaching those kids anything about overcoming adversity.

Oh, yeah, the older kid has NO backbone of any kind. I took him and my daughter outside to ride bikes (my daughter is a few months younger). He hopped on a tricycle and immediately started whining that it wouldn't go. I told my daughter to hop on and show him how to do it...she just started pedaling and took off. He won't TRY to do anything because his parents never make him do anything. They were playing with some toys at our dining room table and he wanted one of them, so my daughter shoved it down to him. It was literally at the very end of his hand...all he had to do was extend his fingers and grab it. Instead he just stuck his arm out and whined and screamed until someone put the toy in his hand.

 

[DibbleDee]

It’s the way of the world now. Like your wife, I work with children. Parents will actually ask their child if they want a procedure done🤦🏻‍♂️😂 Nothing is ever anyone’s fault. Children don’t have the mental capacity to make difficult decisions and part of their frustration is they don’t have boundaries. But I’m just an old school, mean old man😂😂😂

Oh goodness, yes, my wife would back you up on that 100%. It drives her NUTS for kids to be in the driver's seat during their office visits.

 

[robertfootball]

Well, look on the bright side, next year you have a built in excuse not to host Christmas and New Years at your house.lol

 

[uscwatson21]

Sounds awful. God help these kids future teachers.

 

[Lurker123]

I shudder just thinking what type of adult they will grow into.

 

[vipercock]

Serious ****ing problems made ten times worse by dumbass, ignorant parents not acting like responsible adults. In the long run, they will make their children nonfunctional.

 

[DibbleDee]

"Gentle parenting is a peaceful and positive approach to parenting that is different from the traditional authoritarian ‘old school’ parenting style.

It is a parenting mind-set characterised by empathy, respect, understanding and boundaries.

Gentle parenting is a parenting style that promotes a relationship with your children based on willingness and choices, rather than demands and rules made by a parent."

Gentle parenting: what is gentle parenting and how to try it yourself | GoodtoKnow

Gentle parenting is a alternative approach to bringing up children, centred around understanding, empathy and respect. Here's how to try it yourself.

www.goodto.com

.

 

[F-86F]

Oh, yeah, the older kid has NO backbone of any kind. I took him and my daughter outside to ride bikes (my daughter is a few months younger). He hopped on a tricycle and immediately started whining that it wouldn't go. I told my daughter to hop on and show him how to do it...she just started pedaling and took off. He won't TRY to do anything because his parents never make him do anything. They were playing with some toys at our dining room table and he wanted one of them, so my daughter shoved it down to him. It was literally at the very end of his hand...all he had to do was extend his fingers and grab it. Instead he just stuck his arm out and whined and screamed until someone put the toy in his hand.

My doors have locks and I put them to good use.

 

[DibbleDee]

In the long run, they will make their children nonfunctional.

Sadly, they are well on the way to that already.

 

[CCUIrmo]

I have been working with kids and teenagers for the past 20 years. What I have seen is that parents most of the tine do two things. 1 - They live vicariously through their kids and it is very destructive to the kids. They force the kids to do things they may not want and push them so hard, all in an effort to say their kids is the best at something. they want the recognition more than they want anything for their kids. 2 - They try to be their kids best friends. In doing that, they fail to discipline them or help them to be better people. They dont want to upset their kids because they are afraid the kids will be mad at them. Well, guess what? WHO CARES!!! Kids will get over it and respect you more in the long run. I had a parent one time several years back when I lived at the beach that so desperately wanted their kids to be popular, that they opened up their house for them to have a party and intentionally stocked their bar to be full of every kind of alcohol you could imagine. You may say thats no super big deal and is done all the time. However, this was for a 6th grader.
I try not to be overly strict with my own children but do get on them when it is warranted. Yes I have spanked them from time to time and anyone that says thats wrong is entitled to their own opinion. I never use a belt or anything like that or go overboard. I do agree with the comedian Sinbad when he said in a stand up one time that spanking doesnt teach kids to hit, it teaches them to sit down.
There are alot of good parents out there, however there are also alot that have no business being parents. It is truly making this world a worse place by creating kids who expect things rather than earn things.

 

[DibbleDee]

I have been working with kids and teenagers for the past 20 years. What I have seen is that parents most of the tine do two things. 1 - They live vicariously through their kids and it is very destructive to the kids. They force the kids to do things they may not want and push them so hard, all in an effort to say their kids is the best at something. they want the recognition more than they want anything for their kids. 2 - They try to be their kids best friends. In doing that, they fail to discipline them or help them to be better people. They dont want to upset their kids because they are afraid the kids will be mad at them. Well, guess what? WHO CARES!!! Kids will get over it and respect you more in the long run. I had a parent one time several years back when I lived at the beach that so desperately wanted their kids to be popular, that they opened up their house for them to have a party and intentionally stocked their bar to be full of every kind of alcohol you could imagine. You may say thats no super big deal and is done all the time. However, this was for a 6th grader.
I try not to be overly strict with my own children but do get on them when it is warranted. Yes I have spanked them from time to time and anyone that says thats wrong is entitled to their own opinion. I never use a belt or anything like that or go overboard. I do agree with the comedian Sinbad when he said in a stand up one time that spanking doesnt teach kids to hit, it teaches them to sit down.
There are alot of good parents out there, however there are also alot that have no business being parents. It is truly making this world a worse place by creating kids who expect things rather than earn things.

love that bit by Sinbad!

Loved it when he said "That's just about enough...timeout!!!"

 

[viennacocks]

My wife's sister and husband and 2 kids recently moved to about an hour away from us. They came over and spent a few days here over Christmas/New Years. They use something called "gentle parenting." I had to look it up to see what it's all about. They are adamantly opposed to discipline. When the kids start throwing hissy fits/temper tantrums and being rebellious (they call it "getting overstimulated"), their solution is to take the kids outside so they can de-stimulate. They are basically unmanageable children. One has been diagnosed with mild Autism (very highly functioning) so, unfortunately, they blame all of his misbehavior on that. My wife is a pediatrician and acknowledges that he's definitely got some signs of Autism, but they are mostly speech delays. The kid just pitches a royal fit whenever he doesn't get his way. We had to watch them for an hour while his parents were in the basement on a Zoom call. He was out of his mind b/c we, unlike his parents, wouldn't let him do whatever he wanted. When his dad came up, the kid was basically telling on us for being mean and not letting him go downstairs and interrupt their call. The dad APOLOGIZED to the kid (he's 4) for not giving him enough information about what was going on ("I'm sorry buddy. That must have been very frustrating for you. We should have told you what was going on.").

When it's time to eat, they don't just tell the kids "It's time to eat" like we do. No, it's "do you want to come to the table to eat?" They basically don't tell their kids to DO anything. They ask them most stuff. And, don't get me started on eating. I made biscuits, bacon, eggs, hash browns and chocolate chip pancakes for breakfast one morning. The one kid had to have 2 pigs-in-a-blanket from snack food we made the evening before. When the kids are pitching a fit about not wanting to eat whatever it is, they try to connect with them ("Why do you feel that way?"). When they were here for Christmas dinner, we had the whole spread (ham, mashed potatoes, gravy, baked corn, cranberry sauce, macaroni and cheese, sweet potatoes), and his mom had to open a can of corn for him to eat like 3 bites of.

The older kid routinely screams in his parents' faces.

For the younger kid, at diaper change time, he always pitches a royal fit about not wanting his diaper changed. So they end up bribing him with youtube videos on their cell phone. We just swat the leg once and that does the trick.

My wife and I are not tyrants at all, and probably go easier on our kids than our parents did on us, but we definitely ascribe to the "spare the rod, spoil the child" philosophy.

I told me wife "Do NOT offer to ever babysit for them." I don't know how we could. I simply do not know how to manage with a child who can't be disciplined or corrected. I know that not everyone takes the same approach to discipline, but I don't see how they can look at their kids and not plainly see "Geez, what we're doing ain't working."

It was basically chaos. It made my wife sad b/c she can barely have any time to talk to her sister since the kids are always yelling or screaming about something and they simply won't allow the kids to be unhappy for any length of time. And it makes us less enthused about having them over.

Neither of us are drinkers, but I was looking for a shot of whiskey after they left.

Sounds like the relationship muschamp had with his players!

 

[AsTheCockCrows]

Had the same issue over Christmas. We drove over to Texas to visit some of my family while we were at my wifes' family in Louisiana. Stayed for 24 hours because my cousin has moved in with my uncle, along with her 2 kids, and we could not deal with the kids. My cousin refuses to discipline her kids at all so they run through the house, screaming and fighting literally all day long. We wont be going back until my cousin has moved out. Its sad because those kids are going to spend their lives frustrated because they wont get anywhere because of being coddled their entire childhood.

 

[andersoncountycock]

Children raise parents now instead of parents raising children

 

[ruffledfeathers]

Great, another generation of safe space seekers.

 

[USC75Grad]

Great, another generation of safe space seekers.

Future liberal socialist democrats.

 

[TheReelEss]

My cousin who is one of my best friends in the world had a daughter that they let display bad behavior so long they couldn't stop it later. They finally tried spanking but it didn't work. My cousin got beatings from his dad when he misbehaved so he thought he could do it better by trying to reason with a child having a meltdown. The mom should have known better because she's a teacher. Anyway, the girl eventually grew out of it and became a very pleasant young lady.

 

[DibbleDee]

Future liberal socialist democrats.

The saddest thing is they are raising boys who will have no idea how to be a man. I'm admittedly harder on my son than my daughter. I discipline them both and teach them all the same principles...I'm just tougher on him (in a loving way). I just think you gotta start teaching boys how to be men early on.

 

[BobbyBReloaded1975]

It’s tragic actually . I won’t deal with it . My brother and his wife do something similar with their kids but they know when they come to uncle Bobby’s house that s$&t ain’t happening . I told my brother straight up that “They’re your kids but it’s my house and my rules and I’ll whoop the hell out of them” Funny thing is it only took one time and now when they come over the act like little angels . As soon as we they walk out the door it’s like a pack of Tasmanian devils . I’ll be damned if I’m gonna let a 6 year old call the shots . Not happening .

 

[BobbyBReloaded1975]

I’ve learned the best form of discipline is find what they love the most and take it away . For my teenager it’s her phone and devices . Grounding and yelling and screaming doesn’t work but I swear to god if I take that phone away for a few weeks you would think she was being drawn and quartered . I actually threw her first phone(that i paid $500 for ) into the Gulf of Mexico and told her if she wanted it back she could either learn to scuba dive or get a job and buy another one . Well she got a job the next week and ended up paying for her next phone . All I know is she is a great kid and so even though I was tough on her I must of done something right .

 

[DibbleDee]

I’ve learned the best form of discipline is find what they love the most and take it away . For my teenager it’s her phone and devices . Grounding and yelling and screaming doesn’t work but I swear to god if I take that phone away for a few weeks you would think she was being drawn and quartered . I actually threw her first phone(that i paid $500 for ) into the Gulf of Mexico and told her if she wanted it back she could either learn to scuba dive or get a job and buy another one . Well she got a job the next week and ended up paying for her next phone . All I know is she is a great kid and so even though I was tough on her I must of done something right .

Spot on. It's tough. I don't know of any good parent that ENJOYS discipline. It rips my heart out to spank my 4 year old daughter. But it's all about the end product. Discipline them while they're young and you can actually enjoy them during the teen years.

 

[CCUIrmo]

I’ve learned the best form of discipline is find what they love the most and take it away . For my teenager it’s her phone and devices . Grounding and yelling and screaming doesn’t work but I swear to god if I take that phone away for a few weeks you would think she was being drawn and quartered . I actually threw her first phone(that i paid $500 for ) into the Gulf of Mexico and told her if she wanted it back she could either learn to scuba dive or get a job and buy another one . Well she got a job the next week and ended up paying for her next phone . All I know is she is a great kid and so even though I was tough on her I must of done something right .

I saw something a while back that said the only thing worse for a teenager to have their phone taken away is to take away their charger. It is a slow death that they see before them and can do nothing about it. It was a pretty funny idea.

 

[importcock]

My wife's sister and husband and 2 kids recently moved to about an hour away from us. They came over and spent a few days here over Christmas/New Years. They use something called "gentle parenting." I had to look it up to see what it's all about. They are adamantly opposed to discipline. When the kids start throwing hissy fits/temper tantrums and being rebellious (they call it "getting overstimulated"), their solution is to take the kids outside so they can de-stimulate. They are basically unmanageable children. One has been diagnosed with mild Autism (very highly functioning) so, unfortunately, they blame all of his misbehavior on that. My wife is a pediatrician and acknowledges that he's definitely got some signs of Autism, but they are mostly speech delays. The kid just pitches a royal fit whenever he doesn't get his way. We had to watch them for an hour while his parents were in the basement on a Zoom call. He was out of his mind b/c we, unlike his parents, wouldn't let him do whatever he wanted. When his dad came up, the kid was basically telling on us for being mean and not letting him go downstairs and interrupt their call. The dad APOLOGIZED to the kid (he's 4) for not giving him enough information about what was going on ("I'm sorry buddy. That must have been very frustrating for you. We should have told you what was going on.").

When it's time to eat, they don't just tell the kids "It's time to eat" like we do. No, it's "do you want to come to the table to eat?" They basically don't tell their kids to DO anything. They ask them most stuff. And, don't get me started on eating. I made biscuits, bacon, eggs, hash browns and chocolate chip pancakes for breakfast one morning. The one kid had to have 2 pigs-in-a-blanket from snack food we made the evening before. When the kids are pitching a fit about not wanting to eat whatever it is, they try to connect with them ("Why do you feel that way?"). When they were here for Christmas dinner, we had the whole spread (ham, mashed potatoes, gravy, baked corn, cranberry sauce, macaroni and cheese, sweet potatoes), and his mom had to open a can of corn for him to eat like 3 bites of.

The older kid routinely screams in his parents' faces.

For the younger kid, at diaper change time, he always pitches a royal fit about not wanting his diaper changed. So they end up bribing him with youtube videos on their cell phone. We just swat the leg once and that does the trick.

My wife and I are not tyrants at all, and probably go easier on our kids than our parents did on us, but we definitely ascribe to the "spare the rod, spoil the child" philosophy.

I told me wife "Do NOT offer to ever babysit for them." I don't know how we could. I simply do not know how to manage with a child who can't be disciplined or corrected. I know that not everyone takes the same approach to discipline, but I don't see how they can look at their kids and not plainly see "Geez, what we're doing ain't working."

It was basically chaos. It made my wife sad b/c she can barely have any time to talk to her sister since the kids are always yelling or screaming about something and they simply won't allow the kids to be unhappy for any length of time. And it makes us less enthused about having them over.

Neither of us are drinkers, but I was looking for a shot of whiskey after they left.

This kind of parenting is infuriating to me. It's just stupid. And the thing about corporal punishment that many people don't seem to realize is you only have to spank them a few times, at the right times, and the threat of it does the trick after that. And as a teacher I agree with the poster above who said he feels sorry for their teachers one day.

 

[rogue cock]

"Gentle parenting is a peaceful and positive approach to parenting that is different from the traditional authoritarian ‘old school’ parenting style.

It is a parenting mind-set characterised by empathy, respect, understanding and boundaries.

Gentle parenting is a parenting style that promotes a relationship with your children based on willingness and choices, rather than demands and rules made by a parent."

Gentle parenting: what is gentle parenting and how to try it yourself | GoodtoKnow

Gentle parenting is a alternative approach to bringing up children, centred around understanding, empathy and respect. Here's how to try it yourself.

www.goodto.com

.

Ugh. Kids need rules and boundaries. Punishment styles are one thing, but lack of punishment at all is ridiculous.

 

[BobbyBReloaded1975]

I saw something a while back that said the only thing worse for a teenager to have their phone taken away is to take away their charger. It is a slow death that they see before them and can do nothing about it. It was a pretty funny idea.

Haha that’s hilarious. So true . The biggest fights we have in our house are over phone chargers . My daughter constantly loses hers or leaves it at a friends house or in the car so she steals ours . One year I bought like $200 worth of chargers for Christmas and in less than a month they all disappeared. We literally get in a fight out week over stealing phone chargers

 

[ken in sacramento]

Had a similar experience over the holidays. My brother in law and wife spend so much time talking to their kids when the kids are totally out of control (boys, 3 and 1), asking them about their feelings and such. It's awful- the kids scream all day long and it wears on your nerves, they hit, even bite. We were so happy to be home and our kids (11 and 13) really had a different appreciation for the peace and quiet (mostly) in our house.

Here's the thing though: Kids do need structure and discipline in their life; that structure is very reassuring to them over time. If you're a small child, you are totally vulnerable in the world; everyone else is bigger and stronger, and you totally rely on your parents for survival. If the world is an out of control place, and you experience it as such because no one works to control you, that means you are in grave danger. An out of control world means bad things are going to happen and that is terrifying to a child. I believe kids that act out are many times doing so out of fear. Kids aren't sophisticated enough to understand or control their feelings and impulses. All this talking and explaining to a 3 years old is a fools errand. Provide structure and safety, and they'll blossom. Without structure, there is chaos and fear.

I never mentioned any of this to my brother in law, but he didn't seem to mind when I did take his 3 year old to task a few times with some harsh words. The three year old didn't like it too much but he didn't hold it against me either. He told his Dad I was a "Really Big Daddy"- meaning I didn't mess around. I took it as a compliment!

 

[rogue cock]

This kind of parenting is infuriating to me. It's just stupid. And the thing about corporal punishment that many people don't seem to realize is you only have to spank them a few times, at the right times, and the threat of it does the trick after that. And as a teacher I agree with the poster above who said he feels sorry for their teachers one day.

As long as it's never in anger, I completely agree. Corporal punishment should be just enough to catch their attention especially at a young age.

 

[Gamecock58]

I honestly cannot understand how the OP & his wife were able to tolerate that type of inexcusable behavior in their own home. Not to mention the fact that it must have ruined Christmas for he & his family. That mother & father, (for lack of a better term), should be strung up by their heels for allowing their children to behave in such an inexcusable manner especially in another persons home.

As you can see, I'm a stickler for good old fashion discipline! I'm also a senior citizen, & I'm fully aware that times change, but one of the worse things to EVER happen to this country was when liberalism crept it's ugly head into the homes & schools of this great Nation! And unfortunately, when this began to happen years ago, proper parenting, along with proper disciplining of children began to take a back seat.

I'm giving my age away here, but when I was in school teachers had the authority to spank unruly students. And the one thing you did not want to face was being sent to the principles office. That made a student shudder with fear. But the point here is "THEY HAD DISCIPLINE & CONTROL" in those days. You never heard of a student yelling at a teacher, & certainly not hitting them. And not once did you hear of a student bring a firearm on school grounds. Because they knew there would be severe consequences.

This liberal garbage being used today such as, "gentle parenting," is nothing more than what I called it, GARBAGE! And it, along with all the other alternatives to old fashion Biblical discipline which has always worked very effectively should be shoved into the sewer where it belongs!

It's no wonder that a large number of long time educators are leaving the education system, or just retiring early now days. The type of rotten kids mentioned above by the OP is exactly why.

I saw it for myself my last few years working in the healthcare field. Kids who are coming to work for the first time in their lives, yet have never had to earn anything while growing up. They are completely lost & want others to wait on them hand & foot. They also have very disrespectful attitudes & have a very difficult time adjusting to a new atmosphere where they have to take orders & abide by rules. Wake up parents! Spanking your children while they are young & using proper discipline only shows your love & deep concern for them. Forget all the liberal garbage many are using today. It should be quite obvious it's not working!

 

[viennacocks]

I’ve learned the best form of discipline is find what they love the most and take it away . For my teenager it’s her phone and devices . Grounding and yelling and screaming doesn’t work but I swear to god if I take that phone away for a few weeks you would think she was being drawn and quartered . I actually threw her first phone(that i paid $500 for ) into the Gulf of Mexico and told her if she wanted it back she could either learn to scuba dive or get a job and buy another one . Well she got a job the next week and ended up paying for her next phone . All I know is she is a great kid and so even though I was tough on her I must of done something right .

I rarely spank my son but he did something in which he knew meant trouble. I asked him if he wanted a spanking or lose his electronics for a week. Surprisingly he chose the spanking

Guess which one I chose? Ageed, you have to hit him where it hurts.

 

[WingchunCock]

My wife's sister and husband and 2 kids recently moved to about an hour away from us. They came over and spent a few days here over Christmas/New Years. They use something called "gentle parenting." I had to look it up to see what it's all about. They are adamantly opposed to discipline. When the kids start throwing hissy fits/temper tantrums and being rebellious (they call it "getting overstimulated"), their solution is to take the kids outside so they can de-stimulate. They are basically unmanageable children. One has been diagnosed with mild Autism (very highly functioning) so, unfortunately, they blame all of his misbehavior on that. My wife is a pediatrician and acknowledges that he's definitely got some signs of Autism, but they are mostly speech delays. The kid just pitches a royal fit whenever he doesn't get his way. We had to watch them for an hour while his parents were in the basement on a Zoom call. He was out of his mind b/c we, unlike his parents, wouldn't let him do whatever he wanted. When his dad came up, the kid was basically telling on us for being mean and not letting him go downstairs and interrupt their call. The dad APOLOGIZED to the kid (he's 4) for not giving him enough information about what was going on ("I'm sorry buddy. That must have been very frustrating for you. We should have told you what was going on.").

When it's time to eat, they don't just tell the kids "It's time to eat" like we do. No, it's "do you want to come to the table to eat?" They basically don't tell their kids to DO anything. They ask them most stuff. And, don't get me started on eating. I made biscuits, bacon, eggs, hash browns and chocolate chip pancakes for breakfast one morning. The one kid had to have 2 pigs-in-a-blanket from snack food we made the evening before. When the kids are pitching a fit about not wanting to eat whatever it is, they try to connect with them ("Why do you feel that way?"). When they were here for Christmas dinner, we had the whole spread (ham, mashed potatoes, gravy, baked corn, cranberry sauce, macaroni and cheese, sweet potatoes), and his mom had to open a can of corn for him to eat like 3 bites of.

The older kid routinely screams in his parents' faces.

For the younger kid, at diaper change time, he always pitches a royal fit about not wanting his diaper changed. So they end up bribing him with youtube videos on their cell phone. We just swat the leg once and that does the trick.

My wife and I are not tyrants at all, and probably go easier on our kids than our parents did on us, but we definitely ascribe to the "spare the rod, spoil the child" philosophy.

I told me wife "Do NOT offer to ever babysit for them." I don't know how we could. I simply do not know how to manage with a child who can't be disciplined or corrected. I know that not everyone takes the same approach to discipline, but I don't see how they can look at their kids and not plainly see "Geez, what we're doing ain't working."

It was basically chaos. It made my wife sad b/c she can barely have any time to talk to her sister since the kids are always yelling or screaming about something and they simply won't allow the kids to be unhappy for any length of time. And it makes us less enthused about having them over.

Neither of us are drinkers, but I was looking for a shot of whiskey after they left.

We have the same thing with my stepson and his family. It is very frustrating and will definitely drive you to drinking if not careful. They even hired a sleep specialist...

 

[fowl_mood]

Many of the posters on this thread are names I typically respect. But, as a grandfather of a child with autism, you should know when you pile on the OPs original post and its "expert" reference to "mild" autism, you are simply parroting him. I know many kids with autism I respect more for their behavior than what I am currently experiencing on a "sports" board.

I know most of you are discussing fully capable, bad behaving kids. I get that. I appreciate that. But until you have the daily pain and heartbreak of dealing with a special needs child who is severely challenged, you can't separate the capable kids on a massive spectrum from the severely challenged. Live with them everyday, then maybe you can.

Yes, children with autism can always behave somewhat better. I'm not so sure about adults.

 

[DibbleDee]

Many of the posters on this thread are names I typically respect. But, as a grandfather of a child with autism, you should know when you pile on the OPs original post and its "expert" reference to "mild" autism, you are simply parroting him. I know many kids with autism I respect more for their behavior than what I am currently experiencing on a "sports" board.

I know most of you are discussing fully capable, bad behaving kids. I get that. I appreciate that. But until you have the daily pain and heartbreak of dealing with a special needs child who is severely challenged, you can't separate the capable kids on a massive spectrum from the severely challenged. Live with them everyday, then maybe you can.

Yes, children with autism can always behave somewhat better. I'm not so sure about adults.

I get that, but we are not talking about a severe case of Autism. If you met this kid, you would not think he was autistic. I've been around autistic kids before and it was immediately obvious that they were on the spectrum. That is not the case here. My wife, as I mentioned, is a pediatrician and does autism screenings on a routine basis. She's not a specialist, but she's well-trained in picking up on the warning signs. Even she acknowledges that while he is certainly on the spectrum, much of his behavior stems from a lack of discipline. The parents simply cannot use a diagnosis of autism to throw their hands up and refuse to discipline.

My wife sees this ALL the time in her practice. Parents will excuse all kinds of horrible behavior from their children with "well, he/she has been diagnosed with ______________." And what she hates the most is that parents say this in front of the children which trains them to believe they can be poorly behaved b/c of some diagnosis.

I do not minimize or dismiss the challenges that come with raising an autistic child, but their problems are only compounded b/c of their passive approach.

FWIW, their younger child is not autistic and is every bit as bad.

 

[Slippery_Cock]

I would tell your wife not to plan anything with her sister's family again unless they change their parenting approach and use some discipline. Those kids are going to be liberal little brats that feel they are entitled to everything. Your in-laws are doing you and the rest of society a disservice raising little uncontrollable brats who will become know it all adults.

 

[CCUIrmo]

Many of the posters on this thread are names I typically respect. But, as a grandfather of a child with autism, you should know when you pile on the OPs original post and its "expert" reference to "mild" autism, you are simply parroting him. I know many kids with autism I respect more for their behavior than what I am currently experiencing on a "sports" board.

I know most of you are discussing fully capable, bad behaving kids. I get that. I appreciate that. But until you have the daily pain and heartbreak of dealing with a special needs child who is severely challenged, you can't separate the capable kids on a massive spectrum from the severely challenged. Live with them everyday, then maybe you can.

Yes, children with autism can always behave somewhat better. I'm not so sure about adults.

I agree fully. Autism is a whole different thing. I had to take a class in college where we worked with different kids with different levels of Autism. In no way can you deal with them the same way. The child I had was severely Autistic. He could not speak and only communicated with grunts and would spit...alot. He was a great kid and it was an incredibly humbling experience and it taught me patience like nothing else ever has before..
However, I think most kids we are talking about on here are not of the autistic nature. Many I talked about are regular kids who are pretty spoiled and think the world revolves around them because Mom and Dad made them feel that way. That is the area where there is alot of concern about where the world is heading.

 

[importcock]

Speaking for myself, I was not referring to children with autism or any other condition for that matter. As a teacher, I've dealt with autistic kids as well and I know they have to be treated in a different manner. I was simply referring to fully functioning kids who need a little discipline occasionally.

 

[fowl_mood]

Speaking for myself, I was not referring to children with autism or any other condition for that matter. As a teacher, I've dealt with autistic kids as well and I know they have to be treated in a different manner. I was simply referring to fully functioning kids who need a little discipline occasionally.

I understand. The OP was trying to be factual and make a point but blurred the argument by tossing in the autism discussion. Just hit me wrong. Thanks, by the way, for what you do

 

[fowl_mood]

I get that, but we are not talking about a severe case of Autism. If you met this kid, you would not think he was autistic. I've been around autistic kids before and it was immediately obvious that they were on the spectrum. That is not the case here. My wife, as I mentioned, is a pediatrician and does autism screenings on a routine basis. She's not a specialist, but she's well-trained in picking up on the warning signs. Even she acknowledges that while he is certainly on the spectrum, much of his behavior stems from a lack of discipline. The parents simply cannot use a diagnosis of autism to throw their hands up and refuse to discipline.

My wife sees this ALL the time in her practice. Parents will excuse all kinds of horrible behavior from their children with "well, he/she has been diagnosed with ______________." And what she hates the most is that parents say this in front of the children which trains them to believe they can be poorly behaved b/c of some diagnosis.

I do not minimize or dismiss the challenges that come with raising an autistic child, but their problems are only compounded b/c of their passive approach.

FWIW, their younger child is not autistic and is every bit as bad.

I don't find sports boards to be a great place to discuss extremely complex, personally difficult issues which impact limited portions of the group. We've all learned or seen that over the years being here.
Bad kids in general, ok.

But hey, how 'bout some more Football!! I know you have some opinions on that. We need any ideas around here intended to improve our program, positive or negative.