OT: Undisciplined children
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In other words, absolve your parenting responsibility in favor of chaos and screaming. This is the parenting technique for adults that should never have children."Gentle parenting is a peaceful and positive approach to parenting that is different from the traditional authoritarian ‘old school’ parenting style.
It is a parenting mind-set characterised by empathy, respect, understanding and boundaries.
Gentle parenting is a parenting style that promotes a relationship with your children based on willingness and choices, rather than demands and rules made by a parent."
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Gentle parenting: what is gentle parenting and how to try it yourself | GoodtoKnow
Gentle parenting is a alternative approach to bringing up children, centred around understanding, empathy and respect. Here's how to try it yourself.www.goodto.com
My old man would have given me an ass-cutting like no other if I had acted like a simpering little shit like this kid apparently did. Large part of what this country's problems arise from.
Boy, if I acted a’fool I would get my ass beat by my mom, or my dad...or both. And whippings from grandparents weren’t unheard of!
OP, take my advice & do not waste your time trying to explain the difference to some of the folks in this thread. It's obvious they are only interested in making excuses for undisciplined kids bad behavior.
Even children who have been "Medically" diagnosed with autism need a certain level of discipline. Especially while visiting in someone's home. But allowing such behavior without properly correctly the child is the parents fault.
Allowing a child to act in a disrespectful manner while in public, or while visiting at a friends home only teaches the child that this type behavior must be acceptable, & they will continue to act this way as they grow older.
So called adults who believe children should not be disciplined appropriately when it is warranted more than likely were raised the same way, & unfortunately, society is left to deal with it! Which is pathetic!
This is all I will say on this subject due to the fact I am very "Old School," when it comes to matters such as this, & I tend to be very short on patience when I read anything I consider liberal... Liberalism is something I BITTERLY DESPISE!
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"Gentle parenting is a peaceful and positive approach to parenting that is different from the traditional authoritarian ‘old school’ parenting style.
It is a parenting mind-set characterised by empathy, respect, understanding and boundaries.
Gentle parenting is a parenting style that promotes a relationship with your children based on willingness and choices, rather than demands and rules made by a parent."
.Gentle parenting: what is gentle parenting and how to try it yourself | GoodtoKnow
Gentle parenting is a alternative approach to bringing up children, centred around understanding, empathy and respect. Here's how to try it yourself.
The author of this article needs a good old fashioned ass spanking. Raising a child that way should be considered a form of abuse, or at least disservice with devistating lifelong consequences.
Autistic or not, discipline needs to be handled. People with autism still have to live in the world with the rest of us. You don't have to beat kids. But there needs to be a negative consequence for negative actions and a positive consequence for positive actions.
Gentle parenting is a load of crap that will cause major problems with all they come in contact with the older they get. Preacher B 2021. Take it to the bank."Gentle parenting is a peaceful and positive approach to parenting that is different from the traditional authoritarian ‘old school’ parenting style.
It is a parenting mind-set characterised by empathy, respect, understanding and boundaries.
Gentle parenting is a parenting style that promotes a relationship with your children based on willingness and choices, rather than demands and rules made by a parent."
.Gentle parenting: what is gentle parenting and how to try it yourself | GoodtoKnow
Gentle parenting is a alternative approach to bringing up children, centred around understanding, empathy and respect. Here's how to try it yourself.
Well scientific long term studies have shown when implemented properly it is beneficial and produces more well adjusted adults
The science of attachment parenting
"Attachment parenting," or AP, is an approach to child-rearing intended to forge strong, secure attachments between parents and children. For many
www.parentingscience.com
Well scientific long term studies have shown when implemented properly it is beneficial and produces more well adjusted adults
The science of attachment parenting
"Attachment parenting," or AP, is an approach to child-rearing intended to forge strong, secure attachments between parents and children. For many
That website is kind of like the Waffle House menus back in the day that would advertise a particular menu item as voted on by Waffle House employees.
I chose it because it has a ton of articles and studies linking their discoveries and backing their processes
I have two young boys 5-3. I am stern about behavior rudeness, and destructive play.
I started early at 1.5 If I’m recalling right. If I asked him to do something, and he chooses to ignore or confront us, I calmly would say, son I’m gonna count to 3. If I say 3 there will be a popping. Or you can do what I asked. He would start to complain, and I interrupt with ONE, TWO.... it only took a few times and my oldes5 neverlet me get past 1, occasionally say 2.
My youngest is far more bull headed stubborn, and combative, and keenly smart. He will test you and test you. He talks like it’s 6-7 years old at 3.5 now. So I know he knows what I’m asking him.
It took much longer with him texting before he learned the hard way. We still have to there occasionally but it’s much less than a year ago, and each time I have to discipline like that I do try to talk after and assure him that it doesn’t have to go the way of the bum popping if he will just listen.
some days feel like progress and others a backslide. It hurts me to discipline like that but each time I tell myself it is my job to raise good men, not be there friend.
I started early at 1.5 If I’m recalling right. If I asked him to do something, and he chooses to ignore or confront us, I calmly would say, son I’m gonna count to 3. If I say 3 there will be a popping. Or you can do what I asked. He would start to complain, and I interrupt with ONE, TWO.... it only took a few times and my oldes5 neverlet me get past 1, occasionally say 2.
My youngest is far more bull headed stubborn, and combative, and keenly smart. He will test you and test you. He talks like it’s 6-7 years old at 3.5 now. So I know he knows what I’m asking him.
It took much longer with him texting before he learned the hard way. We still have to there occasionally but it’s much less than a year ago, and each time I have to discipline like that I do try to talk after and assure him that it doesn’t have to go the way of the bum popping if he will just listen.
some days feel like progress and others a backslide. It hurts me to discipline like that but each time I tell myself it is my job to raise good men, not be there friend.
Ahhhhhhhh no. Total fail"Gentle parenting is a peaceful and positive approach to parenting that is different from the traditional authoritarian ‘old school’ parenting style.
It is a parenting mind-set characterised by empathy, respect, understanding and boundaries.
Gentle parenting is a parenting style that promotes a relationship with your children based on willingness and choices, rather than demands and rules made by a parent."
.Gentle parenting: what is gentle parenting and how to try it yourself | GoodtoKnow
Gentle parenting is a alternative approach to bringing up children, centred around understanding, empathy and respect. Here's how to try it yourself.
Fake science. I wouldn’t expect anything less from you skippy.Well scientific long term studies have shown when implemented properly it is beneficial and produces more well adjusted adults
The science of attachment parenting
"Attachment parenting," or AP, is an approach to child-rearing intended to forge strong, secure attachments between parents and children. For many
I love it when some say parents are trying to be friends to their children so they don’t discipline them. That is the furthest thing you could do from being a friend. A true friend tells the go good or bad as needed. Discipline is a consequence for unacceptable behavior. You want you kids to understand honesty. Honesty is about knowing right from wrong and good from bad. When people don’t discipline children, they are trying to live in a fantasy world. In reality, they are doing their children a disservice.
It’s child abuse to be anything other than a parent to your child. If your child never tells you they hate you you have failed miserably. It’s very hard to be a parent and a total cop out to be their “friend”.
Wow this situation sounds awlful. How do you and your wife plan to move forward as far as interacting with your sister in laws family?
The solution is fairly straightforward. The next time the crew came for a visit, I would nicely explain to the kids that they are in my house, and I have a specific set of rules for anyone that is there. The rules include no yelling, scratching, hitting, biting, etc...and all kids have to respect any adult that is present. If anyone does not abide by the rules, they will have to leave...and perhaps we can try things again at the next visit.
If sister/family does not like that, I'm sorry...but my house will not be ruled by a couple of chaotic kids. I suspect, however, that sister and BIL will actually be relieved that someone is willing to step forward and establish boundaries.
And yes, I have done this previously...it works, and actually helped family relations.
The discipline is very important and all the parents should understand that it depends of them how will act their children in the future. Is very important to nurture in them all the positive qualities of a human. Also you have to take care of them by providing them with the best food product list and great clothing for babies since they are little. Growing your baby in a loving and caring atmosphere will influence a lot of his personality and education.
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You are fortunate that your sister and bil respect your rules. One would think they would love the better behavior and make some changes in their child rearing philosophy.
I work with kids for a living. I’m sure that there are some kids that this may work for. There has been a dramatic shift in this in the last 10 years. When I first started teaching, most of my students raised by parents who never coddled their kid, and never questioned the intentions of the school or teachers.
When I moved into administration about 10 years ago I had the same experience when I called home about disciplinary issue. The parent always apologized for the behavior and reassured me that it would not happen again. 95% of the time it did not. Many of those parents came to the school to address the issue, stating “I’ll be there in a minute. I’ll take care of it.” They did, but not with the choices or caring about why their child did it. Over the last few years, the majority of parents first want to blame the kids around theirs if they can. If not it becomes the teacher’s fault. Or school policy. Or the coach’s fault. If they do address their kid it is in a “not your fault” manner, and the kid leaves with cell phone in hand surfing the web because they now know why their choice was wrong and no further discipline is needed.
We still do have the old school parents, and you can often tell the difference. If I have to address them, which is much less often than the others, they usually start off by apologizing and asking “are you going to game my mom (or dad)?
Concerns me greatly because some of our business partners have said they are seeing this out in young employees, making them in their words, unemployable.
When I moved into administration about 10 years ago I had the same experience when I called home about disciplinary issue. The parent always apologized for the behavior and reassured me that it would not happen again. 95% of the time it did not. Many of those parents came to the school to address the issue, stating “I’ll be there in a minute. I’ll take care of it.” They did, but not with the choices or caring about why their child did it. Over the last few years, the majority of parents first want to blame the kids around theirs if they can. If not it becomes the teacher’s fault. Or school policy. Or the coach’s fault. If they do address their kid it is in a “not your fault” manner, and the kid leaves with cell phone in hand surfing the web because they now know why their choice was wrong and no further discipline is needed.
We still do have the old school parents, and you can often tell the difference. If I have to address them, which is much less often than the others, they usually start off by apologizing and asking “are you going to game my mom (or dad)?
Concerns me greatly because some of our business partners have said they are seeing this out in young employees, making them in their words, unemployable.
They could be on the streets in the years to come breaking windows and spitting on cops.
I personally am not Montessori trained. I did teach in a middle school, before moving to the high school level, that received kids from a Montessori elementary. They were ahead in some areas such as endurance and the ability to work together effectively, but they lacked the content knowledge and seemed to be less ready to receive specific content knowledge.
I am kind of a different guy in today’s educational world. I see the value in Montessori at an early age. It can help build social skills, problem solving skills, and endurance. However, I prefer the old school approach with modern sprinkled in.
It isn’t popular, but that is how I taught. I had pretty good test scores and had numerous students to successfully enter the medical fields. I have talked with, and visited, successful schools all over. Yes, they all have modern approaches, but the root is old school teaching.
I tell folks all the time that we put people in space using brain power, simple calculators, and slide rules. All of those folks learned math sitting in straight rows practicing math skills until they could do math. Now, that is the worst thing in the world.
I know this is a long answer to a short question. I’m sure some have wonderful experiences with Montessori. The Montessori school I mentioned before was my kid’s zoned school. After what I saw as a teacher, we did school choice and sent our kids to a non-Montessori elementary in our district.
The best thing you can do is establish the ground rules for your house. There is no one perfect way to parent. So, the only thing you can do is tell him how you do it. During my years of having young children, I told my siblings and in-laws that I spank and that i couldn’t keep your kids if you had a problem with that. Got my wife and I out of a lot of baby-sitting responsibility.
How many times my daughter says "Well they don't know" Only because they haven't been taught. It might be a simple thing like turning off lights.
Have some family with a son who is on the spectrum. They also hardly discipline at all, which I think only compounds their issues. They started in-home ABA therapy for their son this past week. At one point they were working with the parents and the kid on some activity, and the parents told him to do something in the activity that he didn’t want to do and he started fussing so the parents tried negotiating with him and the therapist jumped in and told the parents“No. You already told him once what to do. You don’t need to tell him again.”
As with most other things, there is a happy medium between authoritarian and permissive parenting. They've gone way off the deep end. IMO, either extreme is detrimental.
Unfortunately the way they parent the kids is becoming the norm. That’s why we’ve raised a generation of self-centered, entitled children. Sad but true.
Your family needs this badly or those kids will be ruined. Grandma Was Right After All will save those kids and the parents relationship. Give it as a gift.
www.rosemond.com
Grandma Was Right After All: Parenting Wisdom from the Good 'Ole Days
Today's parents are all but completely disconnected from the commonsense parenting wisdom of their parents and grandparents. The self-esteem parenting revolution has erased the practical insights gathered by generations of parents about the best way to raise kids. In this book, John Rosemond...
My ex-wife was the aunt of 3 children when we first met at 21 years old. We were together for 15 years. The children grew up in that time frame.
As children they were so horribly behaving that when the family went out (to a movie, dinner, etc) I just stopped going to avoid the embarrassment of being those people.
Conversely, we kept each child for a week each sumner. With us we could go do anything together and it was fine. Inject their parents and it was a train wreck.
Being that they weren’t my children I obviously could not discipline them (spanking, time out, restriction, whatever).
The first time each stayed with us there was a “moment”. That moment was followed by them going to the bedroom for the rest of the night. There was screaming, crying, etc for hours in one case. By the next day all was fine and was fine from then on because they knew I WOULD NOT BEND to their will.
No spanking, no yelling, nothing but saying this is okay and that is not okay and then sticking with it.
Sadly one week a year wasn’t enough. The oldest child went down a bad path and died at 21.
I grew up old school. But even if you don’t believe in old school there is a GIANT middle ground between what the OP describes and old school. How can no one see that anymore?
Later I remarried and my current wife is also an aunt to three. I don’t know for sure, but I’m 99.9% certain they were not raised old school either.
However, 2 of the 3 are in college now with the third well on their way. All 3 are polite, responsible and solid young adults.
The socio-economics between the two families is nearly identical. The education nearly identical. The only difference is the parents approach.
I was once told a great line about raising children. You’d better get it more right than wrong between birth and 12 years old. After that, you hold your breath for 10 years and hope you actually did get it more right than wrong.
They need a series of consultations with a keen hickory switch.
No excuse for parents coddling their kids this way.
Of course I already know this wont happen and these kids will go on to become dysfunctional adults.
Sister in law is a therapist and tries to reason with her son. 8 or 9 year old. He's a complete brat and the only one that tells him no is me. He's going to grow up to be a Duke lacrosse player.
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