ADVERTISEMENT

OT: Dating a midget. Advice needed, because I don't want to have a bunch of drama in my life.

Jon Snow said:
"A man. A simple man. A man with tragic flaws: chronically unemployed because of his Colon's love of nature...mocked by all who once loved him for his below-average peen. Now, through an unlikely chance at love and happiness he has a chance to fix his broken life. Right now, it's just short-term attraction. But together, they hope to stay low, avoid the little problems, and find some small amount of joy. Coming this spring on Netflix, starring JSusc...1 1/2 Tickets to Paradise."
Click to expand...

I think you make the midget girl a fallen angle trying to earn her wings back but hopelessly attracted to guys with tragic flaws. She tries to save them and redeem herself but she always comes up short. She could travel the country in a carnival. Her best friend is the bearded lady, they are lesbian lovers. Throw in some serial killers, a two headed snake that talks and some creepy clowns.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Horseshoe 04 and Jon Snow
radcock said:
OP, Do you know exactly what skeletal dysplasia she suffers from? Some are associated with genitourinary malformations explaining the black hole, while others may be associated with anger management and alcoholism.
Click to expand...

I'm a disgraced security guard trying to avoid the wrath of a bitter midget. I don't have time to worry about the location of her skeleton.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Horseshoe 04, patback33, TheReelEss and 2 others
If I was a single young man I would so do a midget. You’re a lucky man if you can get past the issues. I also like to pee on grass, I plan to relieve some of this bourbon I learned about in another thread real soon. Good luck my Gamecock brother.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Horseshoe 04 and TheReelEss
CockFamily6 said:
If I was a single young man I would so do a midget. You’re a lucky man if you can get past the issues. I also like to pee on grass, I plan to relieve some of this bourbon I learned about in another thread real soon. Good luck my Gamecock brother.
Click to expand...

My wife told me her ex husband liked to pee in the bushes, he said it would keep the deer from eating them.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Horseshoe 04 and TheReelEss
jsusc said:
I prefer to urinate outside if possible, on grass if possible. I just enjoy that. At work that isn’t always possible, but I can live with using the toilet away from home to urinate. HOwever, I will not defecate on any toilet outside of my home. In my entire life I have defecated maybe three times on a toilet not at my house. Whether it be school, work, a restaurant, a game….wherever...I just never did it. Working a lot of security guard jobs like I have, I’ve mostly been at sites where I’m working alone at night and could do it somewhere outside and no one would ever know.

In 2018 I had been working as a security guard on 3rd shift at a site for a good while, and the place was always closed for several days before and after holidays like Thanksgiving and Christmas, so during those times I would go for days at a time without seeing anyone. A couple of days after Thanksgiving I was sitting there around 3am and had to defecate really bad and finally decided to go in a grassy area near where I park about 50 feet from the guardhouse. I didn’t think any employees would be coming in for at least another day or two. Still, something told me it was a bad idea and that I should at least raise the little arm like you see at a railroad crossing where the employees come in, but I didn’t. So I took off my uniform and underwear and went over there wearing only my white t-shirt, hat, shoes, and socks. This place was a good mile off the main highway, so the only time you would see anyone would be when employees drove in or out and when people that worked at another place about a half mile down the road drove past.

Right after I had finished I heard a car coming down the road, and I thought, just run back to the guardhouse, and if I had took off right then I probably would’ve been okay, but I hesitated, and sure enough a pickup truck pulled into the drive. All I could do was hide behind a little shelter that looks like a bus stop where some employees would wait for their rides. This idiot pulls up to the gate that I would normally open after seeing that they had their parking pass in their windshield and just sits there. I couldn’t do anything because I would have to walk right past his truck to get into my office. After a minute he starts blowing the horn. The dumbass should’ve used his i.d. Card on the scanner, which would open the gate if a guard wasn’t there, but either he was too dumb to know how, or he forgot it. All I could do was hope he left, but he kept sitting there blowing his horn, and eventually got out and went to look in the guardhouse. After not seeing anyone he got back in and kept blowing his horn. After about what seemed like 5 minutes I skirted down the drive behind some of the trees that were there, then across the road at the end of the drive. The drive was probably a good 50 yards long and it was dark out, so I hoped once I had to go out in the open I’d be far enough back he wouldn’t see me, even with the streetlights that were on the driveway. After I got back there and went across the road I slipped into the woods, which are pretty thick, on the other side of the drive. I had to walk through the woods, hoping not to fall or get bit by something or scrape my pecker on a branch or something.

I managed to get back near the guardhouse, then basically slithered a good fifteen yards or so from the woods to the door, ducking down and opened the door and more or less crawled to the switch to open the gate. At this point it had been at least 10 minutes he had been waiting there, and he went on in. I got myself cleaned up and finished my work night. I was worried I’d get reported and get in trouble, but after a couple of days nothing happened so I thought I was okay. But about a week later my supervisor said the guy had complained and they had to look at the cameras near the guardhouse. There were only two that were positioned to show the employee license plate if they were speeding and that showed the entrance to the guardhouse, and they saw me coming in like that. My supervisor didn’t want to fire me, but his hands were tied. I really liked that job, but I refused to use the repulsive guardhouse bathroom. I regret nothing.
Click to expand...

I asked you why you got fired. This answer surpassed my wildest expectations. Laughing
 
  • Like
Reactions: Horseshoe 04
i dont know if it’s been asked but is your friend a gamecock fan?it wouldn’t turn out to good if she happened to stumble upon this thread..I’m going to save this thread in my favorites so I can come back from time to time and reread this...
 
  • Like
Reactions: Horseshoe 04
jsusc said:
I prefer to urinate outside if possible, on grass if possible. I just enjoy that. At work that isn’t always possible, but I can live with using the toilet away from home to urinate. HOwever, I will not defecate on any toilet outside of my home. In my entire life I have defecated maybe three times on a toilet not at my house. Whether it be school, work, a restaurant, a game….wherever...I just never did it. Working a lot of security guard jobs like I have, I’ve mostly been at sites where I’m working alone at night and could do it somewhere outside and no one would ever know.

In 2018 I had been working as a security guard on 3rd shift at a site for a good while, and the place was always closed for several days before and after holidays like Thanksgiving and Christmas, so during those times I would go for days at a time without seeing anyone. A couple of days after Thanksgiving I was sitting there around 3am and had to defecate really bad and finally decided to go in a grassy area near where I park about 50 feet from the guardhouse. I didn’t think any employees would be coming in for at least another day or two. Still, something told me it was a bad idea and that I should at least raise the little arm like you see at a railroad crossing where the employees come in, but I didn’t. So I took off my uniform and underwear and went over there wearing only my white t-shirt, hat, shoes, and socks. This place was a good mile off the main highway, so the only time you would see anyone would be when employees drove in or out and when people that worked at another place about a half mile down the road drove past.

Right after I had finished I heard a car coming down the road, and I thought, just run back to the guardhouse, and if I had took off right then I probably would’ve been okay, but I hesitated, and sure enough a pickup truck pulled into the drive. All I could do was hide behind a little shelter that looks like a bus stop where some employees would wait for their rides. This idiot pulls up to the gate that I would normally open after seeing that they had their parking pass in their windshield and just sits there. I couldn’t do anything because I would have to walk right past his truck to get into my office. After a minute he starts blowing the horn. The dumbass should’ve used his i.d. Card on the scanner, which would open the gate if a guard wasn’t there, but either he was too dumb to know how, or he forgot it. All I could do was hope he left, but he kept sitting there blowing his horn, and eventually got out and went to look in the guardhouse. After not seeing anyone he got back in and kept blowing his horn. After about what seemed like 5 minutes I skirted down the drive behind some of the trees that were there, then across the road at the end of the drive. The drive was probably a good 50 yards long and it was dark out, so I hoped once I had to go out in the open I’d be far enough back he wouldn’t see me, even with the streetlights that were on the driveway. After I got back there and went across the road I slipped into the woods, which are pretty thick, on the other side of the drive. I had to walk through the woods, hoping not to fall or get bit by something or scrape my pecker on a branch or something.

I managed to get back near the guardhouse, then basically slithered a good fifteen yards or so from the woods to the door, ducking down and opened the door and more or less crawled to the switch to open the gate. At this point it had been at least 10 minutes he had been waiting there, and he went on in. I got myself cleaned up and finished my work night. I was worried I’d get reported and get in trouble, but after a couple of days nothing happened so I thought I was okay. But about a week later my supervisor said the guy had complained and they had to look at the cameras near the guardhouse. There were only two that were positioned to show the employee license plate if they were speeding and that showed the entrance to the guardhouse, and they saw me coming in like that. My supervisor didn’t want to fire me, but his hands were tied. I really liked that job, but I refused to use the repulsive guardhouse bathroom. I regret nothing.
Click to expand...
If we have a Journalism Professor Emeritus, you are on the short list.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Horseshoe 04
jedi_mike said:
it wouldn’t turn out to good if she happened to stumble upon this thread.
Click to expand...

The long and short of it is that, it's really no big deal, if she does. Small wonder, because she has grown as an individual to a point where she can look up and face her challenges and detractors squarely in the eye and come out of it the bigger person. It's a tall order but, I'm certain she will not come up short.
 
Last edited:
  • Like
Reactions: wood90 and Horseshoe 04
OP, Do you know exactly what skeletal dysplasia she suffers from? Some are associated with genitourinary malformations explaining the black hole, while others may be associated with anger management and alcoholism. She could just be really frustrated about being 4 feet tall and not your inadequacy. I don't think you should throw her out with the garbage...too much love here.

Does she wear high heels? That may help both of you.

Keep us updated.
jsusc said:
I'm a disgraced security guard trying to avoid the wrath of a bitter midget. I don't have time to worry about the location of her skeleton.
Click to expand...

Assuming that your arms are not proportionate to your unit, have you tried to hold her off with quick jabs to keep her at a distance when she goes bat-shyt crazy on you? Midgets sometimes have protruding foreheads....maybe just hold her off with a stiff-arm? I have watched many a cartoon where this technique works great.

We are pulling for you! Go cocks!
 
  • Like
Reactions: radcock and Horseshoe 04
iu

iu
 
  • Like
Reactions: caughtlookin, paladin181 and Horseshoe 04
jedi_mike said:
i dont know if it’s been asked but is your friend a gamecock fan?it wouldn’t turn out to good if she happened to stumble upon this thread..I’m going to save this thread in my favorites so I can come back from time to time and reread this...
Click to expand...

She's not really into sports except she likes to play tennis. Years ago I joked to her while she was half drunk that wouldn't it be easier if she played tennis on a ping pong table and she thought it was hilarious. I made the same joke several days later when she was sober and you would think I was Hitler giving cunnilingus to her grandmother's corpse. I don't think I have to worry about that. The only thing I ever see her looking at online are English tea sets and planning trips to the next Hard Rock Cafe she hasn't been to so she can collect another glass. Her collection of glasses are at my place right now. I should probably reach in the box and grab one randomly and break it because of what she did to my tattered Liberty Bowl ticket. Spite and retribution are two of the few arrows I have in my quiver. When she realizes the Hard Rock Cleveland no longer exists I'll be the one laughing while she scours eBay and has to spend tens of dollars for a new one. Oh, she also likes to look at websites on caring for a pet ferret. Hell, she's been talking trash about her friends' pets for years, but she still doesn't have that ferret. I guess the anticipation of owning a ferret is just as good as having one.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Syndicate8, jedi_mike, Cybercock and 3 others
jsusc said:
She's not really into sports except she likes to play tennis. Years ago I joked to her while she was half drunk that wouldn't it be easier if she played tennis on a ping pong table and she thought it was hilarious. I made the same joke several days later when she was sober and you would think I was Hitler giving cunnilingus to her grandmother's corpse. I don't think I have to worry about that. The only thing I ever see her looking at online are English tea sets and planning trips to the next Hard Rock Cafe she hasn't been to so she can collect another glass. Her collection of glasses are at my place right now. I should probably reach in the box and grab one randomly and break it because of what she did to my tattered Liberty Bowl ticket. Spite and retribution are two of the few arrows I have in my quiver. When she realizes the Hard Rock Cleveland no longer exists I'll be the one laughing while she scours eBay and has to spend tens of dollars for a new one. Oh, she also likes to look at websites on caring for a pet ferret. Hell, she's been talking trash about her friends' pets for years, but she still doesn't have that ferret. I guess the anticipation of owning a ferret is just as good as having one.
Click to expand...
This post gives me so much hope. Pushing the Little Lady's buttons is definitely a positive step towards a happier relationship.
 
jsusc said:
She's not really into sports except she likes to play tennis. Years ago I joked to her while she was half drunk that wouldn't it be easier if she played tennis on a ping pong table and she thought it was hilarious. I made the same joke several days later when she was sober and you would think I was Hitler giving cunnilingus to her grandmother's corpse. I don't think I have to worry about that. The only thing I ever see her looking at online are English tea sets and planning trips to the next Hard Rock Cafe she hasn't been to so she can collect another glass. Her collection of glasses are at my place right now. I should probably reach in the box and grab one randomly and break it because of what she did to my tattered Liberty Bowl ticket. Spite and retribution are two of the few arrows I have in my quiver. When she realizes the Hard Rock Cleveland no longer exists I'll be the one laughing while she scours eBay and has to spend tens of dollars for a new one. Oh, she also likes to look at websites on caring for a pet ferret. Hell, she's been talking trash about her friends' pets for years, but she still doesn't have that ferret. I guess the anticipation of owning a ferret is just as good as having one.
Click to expand...
Thanks for that update JSUSC. I was kinda jonesing for more info. Keep giving us the lowdown on your friend. BTW, you might wanna help her get the ferret. Bringing it into the bedroom might be just what you need to spice things up a little. One question I’ve had on my mind since your first post; when a midget gives oral do they still call it “going down?” Thanks
 
  • Like
Reactions: Cybercock
importcock said:
Thanks for that update JSUSC. I was kinda jonesing for more info. Keep giving us the lowdown on your friend. BTW, you might wanna help her get the ferret. Bringing it into the bedroom might be just what you need to spice things up a little. One question I’ve had on my mind since your first post; when a midget gives oral do they still call it “going down?” Thanks
Click to expand...
When I said this couldn't get any worse I obviously didn't know what I was talking about.
 
  • Like
Reactions: titaniumspur and Horseshoe 04
Toe to toe her nose was on it, and nose to nose her toes were on it :)

She's hoping OP will let his guard down again. Many of us are living vicariously through OP and hoping for the same.
 
importcock said:
Thanks for that update JSUSC. I was kinda jonesing for more info. Keep giving us the lowdown on your friend. BTW, you might wanna help her get the ferret. Bringing it into the bedroom might be just what you need to spice things up a little. One question I’ve had on my mind since your first post; when a midget gives oral do they still call it “going down?” Thanks
Click to expand...


Getting her a ferret. See, that’s the kind of thing I would’ve been doing for her if she were nicer, even though I would be worried about the ferret dander. Then again, having her own ferret would probably only worsen her trash talking about other people’s animals. What kind of person talks shit about their best friend’s parakeet? That was probably a warning sign right there.

As for the going down, I’m pining to know, but she wanted me to dip the tip in a shot glass of Fireball, but I refused. How do you explain that to th e ER doctor. They spent 100 years in school to help save people’s lives, and here I come in with a red, swollen penis that smells like cinnamon. No. I have my pride. So she wouldn’t do it. I mean I obviously don’t have anything against midgets. I think we’re at a point where we could have a midget President or place kicker, but the more I think about it, this is one selfish midget.

And Prince Harry and Meghan Markle think they’re having problems.
 
  • Like
Reactions: importcock and mavcock
jsusc said:
Getting her a ferret. See, that’s the kind of thing I would’ve been doing for her if she were nicer, even though I would be worried about the ferret dander. Then again, having her own ferret would probably only worsen her trash talking about other people’s animals. What kind of person talks shit about their best friend’s parakeet? That was probably a warning sign right there.

As for the going down, I’m pining to know, but she wanted me to dip the tip in a shot glass of Fireball, but I refused. How do you explain that to th e ER doctor. They spent 100 years in school to help save people’s lives, and here I come in with a red, swollen penis that smells like cinnamon. No. I have my pride. So she wouldn’t do it. I mean I obviously don’t have anything against midgets. I think we’re at a point where we could have a midget President or place kicker, but the more I think about it, this is one selfish midget.

And Prince Harry and Meghan Markle think they’re having problems.
Click to expand...
Just when I think you have no more to give and you are coming up short, you once again lower the boom.
 
You are a gift that keeps giving! Have you considered locking her in a small dog cage when she misbehaves? Maybe lock her in the cage with a ferret?
 
I haven't seen any raging midgets or flying ferrets on Live PD, so I'll take this as a sign the relationship is going well.
 
  • Like
Reactions: importcock
jsusc said:
I prefer to urinate outside if possible, on grass if possible. I just enjoy that. At work that isn’t always possible, but I can live with using the toilet away from home to urinate. HOwever, I will not defecate on any toilet outside of my home. In my entire life I have defecated maybe three times on a toilet not at my house. Whether it be school, work, a restaurant, a game….wherever...I just never did it. Working a lot of security guard jobs like I have, I’ve mostly been at sites where I’m working alone at night and could do it somewhere outside and no one would ever know.

In 2018 I had been working as a security guard on 3rd shift at a site for a good while, and the place was always closed for several days before and after holidays like Thanksgiving and Christmas, so during those times I would go for days at a time without seeing anyone. A couple of days after Thanksgiving I was sitting there around 3am and had to defecate really bad and finally decided to go in a grassy area near where I park about 50 feet from the guardhouse. I didn’t think any employees would be coming in for at least another day or two. Still, something told me it was a bad idea and that I should at least raise the little arm like you see at a railroad crossing where the employees come in, but I didn’t. So I took off my uniform and underwear and went over there wearing only my white t-shirt, hat, shoes, and socks. This place was a good mile off the main highway, so the only time you would see anyone would be when employees drove in or out and when people that worked at another place about a half mile down the road drove past.

Right after I had finished I heard a car coming down the road, and I thought, just run back to the guardhouse, and if I had took off right then I probably would’ve been okay, but I hesitated, and sure enough a pickup truck pulled into the drive. All I could do was hide behind a little shelter that looks like a bus stop where some employees would wait for their rides. This idiot pulls up to the gate that I would normally open after seeing that they had their parking pass in their windshield and just sits there. I couldn’t do anything because I would have to walk right past his truck to get into my office. After a minute he starts blowing the horn. The dumbass should’ve used his i.d. Card on the scanner, which would open the gate if a guard wasn’t there, but either he was too dumb to know how, or he forgot it. All I could do was hope he left, but he kept sitting there blowing his horn, and eventually got out and went to look in the guardhouse. After not seeing anyone he got back in and kept blowing his horn. After about what seemed like 5 minutes I skirted down the drive behind some of the trees that were there, then across the road at the end of the drive. The drive was probably a good 50 yards long and it was dark out, so I hoped once I had to go out in the open I’d be far enough back he wouldn’t see me, even with the streetlights that were on the driveway. After I got back there and went across the road I slipped into the woods, which are pretty thick, on the other side of the drive. I had to walk through the woods, hoping not to fall or get bit by something or scrape my pecker on a branch or something.

I managed to get back near the guardhouse, then basically slithered a good fifteen yards or so from the woods to the door, ducking down and opened the door and more or less crawled to the switch to open the gate. At this point it had been at least 10 minutes he had been waiting there, and he went on in. I got myself cleaned up and finished my work night. I was worried I’d get reported and get in trouble, but after a couple of days nothing happened so I thought I was okay. But about a week later my supervisor said the guy had complained and they had to look at the cameras near the guardhouse. There were only two that were positioned to show the employee license plate if they were speeding and that showed the entrance to the guardhouse, and they saw me coming in like that. My supervisor didn’t want to fire me, but his hands were tied. I really liked that job, but I refused to use the repulsive guardhouse bathroom. I regret nothing.
Click to expand...

My favorite part of this is that you called the guy in the truck an idiot and a dumbass.
 
Jon Snow said:
"A man. A simple man. A man with tragic flaws: chronically unemployed because of his Colon's love of nature...mocked by all who once loved him for his below-average peen. Now, through an unlikely chance at love and happiness he has a chance to fix his broken life. Right now, it's just short-term attraction. But together, they hope to stay low, avoid the little problems, and find some small amount of joy. Coming this spring on Netflix, starring JSusc...1 1/2 Tickets to Paradise."
Click to expand...
LOL. Maybe "Don't Sweat The Little Things".
 
johncockroach said:
My favorite part of this is that you called the guy in the truck an idiot and a dumbass.
Click to expand...

It's true. He was a fool and a pest and set in motion a chain of events that are still unfolding.

I realize some of my prior posts may indicate I have some problems, but I've been a victim of circumstance. Maybe I'm to blame for having a big heart and taking a risk on a shetland girlfriend that is a rage filled, vengeful boozer. I guess a midget can't change its spots, but I refuse to lower my standards.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Horseshoe 04, mavcock, bayrooster and 1 other person
jsusc said:
It's true. He was a fool and a pest and set in motion a chain of events that are still unfolding.

I realize some of my prior posts may indicate I have some problems, but I've been a victim of circumstance. Maybe I'm to blame for having a big heart and taking a risk on a shetland girlfriend that is a rage filled, vengeful boozer. I guess a midget can't change its spots, but I refuse to lower my standards.
Click to expand...

I got a good idea,take her to the midget wrestling I posted about a few pages back.if things start to go south ask if she wants to settle it in the ring...but watch out for run in’s...maybe have a few friends there to help out if that happens to help..
 
jsusc said:
It's true. He was a fool and a pest and set in motion a chain of events that are still unfolding.

I realize some of my prior posts may indicate I have some problems, but I've been a victim of circumstance. Maybe I'm to blame for having a big heart and taking a risk on a shetland girlfriend that is a rage filled, vengeful boozer. I guess a midget can't change its spots, but I refuse to lower my standards.
Click to expand...

How much can she drink before major effects? Is there a magic alcohol level that makes her horny? Is this close to the edge of "angry dwarf"? I have always thought that careful titration is the key, but I would guess you have to be very careful because she has a lower blood volume.

Asking for a friend.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Similar threads

D

Coach Staley- Contract

Replies
4
Views
634
Gamecocks Forum
gamecockengineer2011
G
Alan Cole

What Chloe Kitts, Sania Feagin said after South Carolina women's basketball won at Georgia

Replies
1
Views
725
The Insiders Forum
Alan Cole
Alan Cole
Alan Cole

What Tessa Johnson, Te-Hina Paopao said after South Carolina beat Mississippi State

Replies
0
Views
1K
The Insiders Forum
Alan Cole
Alan Cole
Southern Fried Chicken

Anyone know the facts/story concerning Kitt's not being allowed to play yesterday?

Replies
31
Views
3K
Gamecocks Forum
JGH 35
J
Alan Cole

What Joyce Edwards, Bree Hall said after South Carolina WBB's win at Alabama

Replies
1
Views
603
The Insiders Forum
Alan Cole
Alan Cole
ADVERTISEMENT

Latest posts

ADVERTISEMENT
Top Bottom
Back