OT: Dating a midget. Advice needed, because I don't want to have a bunch of drama in my life.

[Blackland]

"A man. A simple man. A man with tragic flaws: chronically unemployed because of his Colon's love of nature...mocked by all who once loved him for his below-average peen. Now, through an unlikely chance at love and happiness he has a chance to fix his broken life. Right now, it's just short-term attraction. But together, they hope to stay low, avoid the little problems, and find some small amount of joy. Coming this spring on Netflix, starring JSusc...1 1/2 Tickets to Paradise."

I think you make the midget girl a fallen angle trying to earn her wings back but hopelessly attracted to guys with tragic flaws. She tries to save them and redeem herself but she always comes up short. She could travel the country in a carnival. Her best friend is the bearded lady, they are lesbian lovers. Throw in some serial killers, a two headed snake that talks and some creepy clowns.

 

[jsusc]

OP, Do you know exactly what skeletal dysplasia she suffers from? Some are associated with genitourinary malformations explaining the black hole, while others may be associated with anger management and alcoholism.

I'm a disgraced security guard trying to avoid the wrath of a bitter midget. I don't have time to worry about the location of her skeleton.

 

[CockFamily6]

If I was a single young man I would so do a midget. You’re a lucky man if you can get past the issues. I also like to pee on grass, I plan to relieve some of this bourbon I learned about in another thread real soon. Good luck my Gamecock brother.

 

[Blackland]

I'm a disgraced security guard trying to avoid the wrath of a bitter midget. I don't have time to worry about the location of her skeleton.

My God you are funny as hell, Call the show "Trolled By God"!

 

[Blackland]

If I was a single young man I would so do a midget. You’re a lucky man if you can get past the issues. I also like to pee on grass, I plan to relieve some of this bourbon I learned about in another thread real soon. Good luck my Gamecock brother.

My wife told me her ex husband liked to pee in the bushes, he said it would keep the deer from eating them.

 

[Bad seed]

I prefer to urinate outside if possible, on grass if possible. I just enjoy that. At work that isn’t always possible, but I can live with using the toilet away from home to urinate. HOwever, I will not defecate on any toilet outside of my home. In my entire life I have defecated maybe three times on a toilet not at my house. Whether it be school, work, a restaurant, a game….wherever...I just never did it. Working a lot of security guard jobs like I have, I’ve mostly been at sites where I’m working alone at night and could do it somewhere outside and no one would ever know.

In 2018 I had been working as a security guard on 3rd shift at a site for a good while, and the place was always closed for several days before and after holidays like Thanksgiving and Christmas, so during those times I would go for days at a time without seeing anyone. A couple of days after Thanksgiving I was sitting there around 3am and had to defecate really bad and finally decided to go in a grassy area near where I park about 50 feet from the guardhouse. I didn’t think any employees would be coming in for at least another day or two. Still, something told me it was a bad idea and that I should at least raise the little arm like you see at a railroad crossing where the employees come in, but I didn’t. So I took off my uniform and underwear and went over there wearing only my white t-shirt, hat, shoes, and socks. This place was a good mile off the main highway, so the only time you would see anyone would be when employees drove in or out and when people that worked at another place about a half mile down the road drove past.

Right after I had finished I heard a car coming down the road, and I thought, just run back to the guardhouse, and if I had took off right then I probably would’ve been okay, but I hesitated, and sure enough a pickup truck pulled into the drive. All I could do was hide behind a little shelter that looks like a bus stop where some employees would wait for their rides. This idiot pulls up to the gate that I would normally open after seeing that they had their parking pass in their windshield and just sits there. I couldn’t do anything because I would have to walk right past his truck to get into my office. After a minute he starts blowing the horn. The dumbass should’ve used his i.d. Card on the scanner, which would open the gate if a guard wasn’t there, but either he was too dumb to know how, or he forgot it. All I could do was hope he left, but he kept sitting there blowing his horn, and eventually got out and went to look in the guardhouse. After not seeing anyone he got back in and kept blowing his horn. After about what seemed like 5 minutes I skirted down the drive behind some of the trees that were there, then across the road at the end of the drive. The drive was probably a good 50 yards long and it was dark out, so I hoped once I had to go out in the open I’d be far enough back he wouldn’t see me, even with the streetlights that were on the driveway. After I got back there and went across the road I slipped into the woods, which are pretty thick, on the other side of the drive. I had to walk through the woods, hoping not to fall or get bit by something or scrape my pecker on a branch or something.

I managed to get back near the guardhouse, then basically slithered a good fifteen yards or so from the woods to the door, ducking down and opened the door and more or less crawled to the switch to open the gate. At this point it had been at least 10 minutes he had been waiting there, and he went on in. I got myself cleaned up and finished my work night. I was worried I’d get reported and get in trouble, but after a couple of days nothing happened so I thought I was okay. But about a week later my supervisor said the guy had complained and they had to look at the cameras near the guardhouse. There were only two that were positioned to show the employee license plate if they were speeding and that showed the entrance to the guardhouse, and they saw me coming in like that. My supervisor didn’t want to fire me, but his hands were tied. I really liked that job, but I refused to use the repulsive guardhouse bathroom. I regret nothing.

I asked you why you got fired. This answer surpassed my wildest expectations.

 

[jedi_mike]

i dont know if it’s been asked but is your friend a gamecock fan?it wouldn’t turn out to good if she happened to stumble upon this thread..I’m going to save this thread in my favorites so I can come back from time to time and reread this...

 

[titaniumspur]

I prefer to urinate outside if possible, on grass if possible. I just enjoy that. At work that isn’t always possible, but I can live with using the toilet away from home to urinate. HOwever, I will not defecate on any toilet outside of my home. In my entire life I have defecated maybe three times on a toilet not at my house. Whether it be school, work, a restaurant, a game….wherever...I just never did it. Working a lot of security guard jobs like I have, I’ve mostly been at sites where I’m working alone at night and could do it somewhere outside and no one would ever know.

In 2018 I had been working as a security guard on 3rd shift at a site for a good while, and the place was always closed for several days before and after holidays like Thanksgiving and Christmas, so during those times I would go for days at a time without seeing anyone. A couple of days after Thanksgiving I was sitting there around 3am and had to defecate really bad and finally decided to go in a grassy area near where I park about 50 feet from the guardhouse. I didn’t think any employees would be coming in for at least another day or two. Still, something told me it was a bad idea and that I should at least raise the little arm like you see at a railroad crossing where the employees come in, but I didn’t. So I took off my uniform and underwear and went over there wearing only my white t-shirt, hat, shoes, and socks. This place was a good mile off the main highway, so the only time you would see anyone would be when employees drove in or out and when people that worked at another place about a half mile down the road drove past.

Right after I had finished I heard a car coming down the road, and I thought, just run back to the guardhouse, and if I had took off right then I probably would’ve been okay, but I hesitated, and sure enough a pickup truck pulled into the drive. All I could do was hide behind a little shelter that looks like a bus stop where some employees would wait for their rides. This idiot pulls up to the gate that I would normally open after seeing that they had their parking pass in their windshield and just sits there. I couldn’t do anything because I would have to walk right past his truck to get into my office. After a minute he starts blowing the horn. The dumbass should’ve used his i.d. Card on the scanner, which would open the gate if a guard wasn’t there, but either he was too dumb to know how, or he forgot it. All I could do was hope he left, but he kept sitting there blowing his horn, and eventually got out and went to look in the guardhouse. After not seeing anyone he got back in and kept blowing his horn. After about what seemed like 5 minutes I skirted down the drive behind some of the trees that were there, then across the road at the end of the drive. The drive was probably a good 50 yards long and it was dark out, so I hoped once I had to go out in the open I’d be far enough back he wouldn’t see me, even with the streetlights that were on the driveway. After I got back there and went across the road I slipped into the woods, which are pretty thick, on the other side of the drive. I had to walk through the woods, hoping not to fall or get bit by something or scrape my pecker on a branch or something.

I managed to get back near the guardhouse, then basically slithered a good fifteen yards or so from the woods to the door, ducking down and opened the door and more or less crawled to the switch to open the gate. At this point it had been at least 10 minutes he had been waiting there, and he went on in. I got myself cleaned up and finished my work night. I was worried I’d get reported and get in trouble, but after a couple of days nothing happened so I thought I was okay. But about a week later my supervisor said the guy had complained and they had to look at the cameras near the guardhouse. There were only two that were positioned to show the employee license plate if they were speeding and that showed the entrance to the guardhouse, and they saw me coming in like that. My supervisor didn’t want to fire me, but his hands were tied. I really liked that job, but I refused to use the repulsive guardhouse bathroom. I regret nothing.

If we have a Journalism Professor Emeritus, you are on the short list.

 

[TheReelEss]

My wife told me her ex husband liked to pee in the bushes, he said it would keep the deer from eating them.

Urinating outdoors without getting arrested is one of the many pleasures of country living.

 

[funktavious]

Don't forget to crouch down when you speak to her. Want to be at eye level.

 

[Carolina Cocktail]

it wouldn’t turn out to good if she happened to stumble upon this thread.

The long and short of it is that, it's really no big deal, if she does. Small wonder, because she has grown as an individual to a point where she can look up and face her challenges and detractors squarely in the eye and come out of it the bigger person. It's a tall order but, I'm certain she will not come up short.

 

[patback33]

OP, Do you know exactly what skeletal dysplasia she suffers from? Some are associated with genitourinary malformations explaining the black hole, while others may be associated with anger management and alcoholism. She could just be really frustrated about being 4 feet tall and not your inadequacy. I don't think you should throw her out with the garbage...too much love here.

Does she wear high heels? That may help both of you.

Keep us updated.

I'm a disgraced security guard trying to avoid the wrath of a bitter midget. I don't have time to worry about the location of her skeleton.

Assuming that your arms are not proportionate to your unit, have you tried to hold her off with quick jabs to keep her at a distance when she goes bat-shyt crazy on you? Midgets sometimes have protruding foreheads....maybe just hold her off with a stiff-arm? I have watched many a cartoon where this technique works great.

We are pulling for you! Go cocks!

 

[cockofdawn]

 

[jsusc]

i dont know if it’s been asked but is your friend a gamecock fan?it wouldn’t turn out to good if she happened to stumble upon this thread..I’m going to save this thread in my favorites so I can come back from time to time and reread this...

She's not really into sports except she likes to play tennis. Years ago I joked to her while she was half drunk that wouldn't it be easier if she played tennis on a ping pong table and she thought it was hilarious. I made the same joke several days later when she was sober and you would think I was Hitler giving cunnilingus to her grandmother's corpse. I don't think I have to worry about that. The only thing I ever see her looking at online are English tea sets and planning trips to the next Hard Rock Cafe she hasn't been to so she can collect another glass. Her collection of glasses are at my place right now. I should probably reach in the box and grab one randomly and break it because of what she did to my tattered Liberty Bowl ticket. Spite and retribution are two of the few arrows I have in my quiver. When she realizes the Hard Rock Cleveland no longer exists I'll be the one laughing while she scours eBay and has to spend tens of dollars for a new one. Oh, she also likes to look at websites on caring for a pet ferret. Hell, she's been talking trash about her friends' pets for years, but she still doesn't have that ferret. I guess the anticipation of owning a ferret is just as good as having one.

 

[Horseshoe 04]

Just checking in

 

[bucketdad]

She's not really into sports except she likes to play tennis. Years ago I joked to her while she was half drunk that wouldn't it be easier if she played tennis on a ping pong table and she thought it was hilarious. I made the same joke several days later when she was sober and you would think I was Hitler giving cunnilingus to her grandmother's corpse. I don't think I have to worry about that. The only thing I ever see her looking at online are English tea sets and planning trips to the next Hard Rock Cafe she hasn't been to so she can collect another glass. Her collection of glasses are at my place right now. I should probably reach in the box and grab one randomly and break it because of what she did to my tattered Liberty Bowl ticket. Spite and retribution are two of the few arrows I have in my quiver. When she realizes the Hard Rock Cleveland no longer exists I'll be the one laughing while she scours eBay and has to spend tens of dollars for a new one. Oh, she also likes to look at websites on caring for a pet ferret. Hell, she's been talking trash about her friends' pets for years, but she still doesn't have that ferret. I guess the anticipation of owning a ferret is just as good as having one.

This post gives me so much hope. Pushing the Little Lady's buttons is definitely a positive step towards a happier relationship.

 

[gamecockfan04]

Cockofdawn's been doing some research I see.

 

[bayrooster]

Judging from the length of this thread you have failed to avoid a bunch of drama.

 

[bayrooster]

Her thighs are shorter than most.

 

[cockofdawn]

Cockofdawn's been doing some research I see.

Just some old GF's, So I know exactly where JSUSC is coming from..

 

[martwing]

Just some old GF's, So I know exactly where JSUSC is coming from..

Looks like you have your sights set a little "too low".

 

[importcock]

She's not really into sports except she likes to play tennis. Years ago I joked to her while she was half drunk that wouldn't it be easier if she played tennis on a ping pong table and she thought it was hilarious. I made the same joke several days later when she was sober and you would think I was Hitler giving cunnilingus to her grandmother's corpse. I don't think I have to worry about that. The only thing I ever see her looking at online are English tea sets and planning trips to the next Hard Rock Cafe she hasn't been to so she can collect another glass. Her collection of glasses are at my place right now. I should probably reach in the box and grab one randomly and break it because of what she did to my tattered Liberty Bowl ticket. Spite and retribution are two of the few arrows I have in my quiver. When she realizes the Hard Rock Cleveland no longer exists I'll be the one laughing while she scours eBay and has to spend tens of dollars for a new one. Oh, she also likes to look at websites on caring for a pet ferret. Hell, she's been talking trash about her friends' pets for years, but she still doesn't have that ferret. I guess the anticipation of owning a ferret is just as good as having one.

Thanks for that update JSUSC. I was kinda jonesing for more info. Keep giving us the lowdown on your friend. BTW, you might wanna help her get the ferret. Bringing it into the bedroom might be just what you need to spice things up a little. One question I’ve had on my mind since your first post; when a midget gives oral do they still call it “going down?” Thanks

 

[1977 Cat]

Thanks for that update JSUSC. I was kinda jonesing for more info. Keep giving us the lowdown on your friend. BTW, you might wanna help her get the ferret. Bringing it into the bedroom might be just what you need to spice things up a little. One question I’ve had on my mind since your first post; when a midget gives oral do they still call it “going down?” Thanks

When I said this couldn't get any worse I obviously didn't know what I was talking about.

 

[classof95#]

Toe to toe her nose was on it, and nose to nose her toes were on it

She's hoping OP will let his guard down again. Many of us are living vicariously through OP and hoping for the same.

 

[cockofdawn]

Looks like you have your sights set a little "too low".

My motto is, set your sights low, no where to go but up!!

 

[CockFamily6]

[
The first girl looks like J “Low”

 

[jsusc]

Thanks for that update JSUSC. I was kinda jonesing for more info. Keep giving us the lowdown on your friend. BTW, you might wanna help her get the ferret. Bringing it into the bedroom might be just what you need to spice things up a little. One question I’ve had on my mind since your first post; when a midget gives oral do they still call it “going down?” Thanks

Getting her a ferret. See, that’s the kind of thing I would’ve been doing for her if she were nicer, even though I would be worried about the ferret dander. Then again, having her own ferret would probably only worsen her trash talking about other people’s animals. What kind of person talks shit about their best friend’s parakeet? That was probably a warning sign right there.

As for the going down, I’m pining to know, but she wanted me to dip the tip in a shot glass of Fireball, but I refused. How do you explain that to th e ER doctor. They spent 100 years in school to help save people’s lives, and here I come in with a red, swollen penis that smells like cinnamon. No. I have my pride. So she wouldn’t do it. I mean I obviously don’t have anything against midgets. I think we’re at a point where we could have a midget President or place kicker, but the more I think about it, this is one selfish midget.

And Prince Harry and Meghan Markle think they’re having problems.

 

[martwing]

Getting her a ferret. See, that’s the kind of thing I would’ve been doing for her if she were nicer, even though I would be worried about the ferret dander. Then again, having her own ferret would probably only worsen her trash talking about other people’s animals. What kind of person talks shit about their best friend’s parakeet? That was probably a warning sign right there.

As for the going down, I’m pining to know, but she wanted me to dip the tip in a shot glass of Fireball, but I refused. How do you explain that to th e ER doctor. They spent 100 years in school to help save people’s lives, and here I come in with a red, swollen penis that smells like cinnamon. No. I have my pride. So she wouldn’t do it. I mean I obviously don’t have anything against midgets. I think we’re at a point where we could have a midget President or place kicker, but the more I think about it, this is one selfish midget.

And Prince Harry and Meghan Markle think they’re having problems.

Just when I think you have no more to give and you are coming up short, you once again lower the boom.

 

[TheReelEss]

My motto is, set your sights low, no where to go but up!!

This is a board for Gamecock fans. That sentiment is universal here.

 

[Blackland]

You are a gift that keeps giving! Have you considered locking her in a small dog cage when she misbehaves? Maybe lock her in the cage with a ferret?

 

[Rhizzlebop]

You are a gift that keeps giving! Have you considered locking her in a small dog cage when she misbehaves? Maybe lock her in the cage with a ferret?

Like a midget cage match?

 

[Bad seed]

I haven't seen any raging midgets or flying ferrets on Live PD, so I'll take this as a sign the relationship is going well.

 

[importcock]

Just noticed this thread was about to fall off the 1st page. Thought I would give it a little tiny bump. It would be a shame to see it cut short.

 

[jonesz21]

My motto is, set your sights low, no where to go but up!!

If it wasn’t for losers there couldn’t be winners

 

[johncockroach]

I prefer to urinate outside if possible, on grass if possible. I just enjoy that. At work that isn’t always possible, but I can live with using the toilet away from home to urinate. HOwever, I will not defecate on any toilet outside of my home. In my entire life I have defecated maybe three times on a toilet not at my house. Whether it be school, work, a restaurant, a game….wherever...I just never did it. Working a lot of security guard jobs like I have, I’ve mostly been at sites where I’m working alone at night and could do it somewhere outside and no one would ever know.

In 2018 I had been working as a security guard on 3rd shift at a site for a good while, and the place was always closed for several days before and after holidays like Thanksgiving and Christmas, so during those times I would go for days at a time without seeing anyone. A couple of days after Thanksgiving I was sitting there around 3am and had to defecate really bad and finally decided to go in a grassy area near where I park about 50 feet from the guardhouse. I didn’t think any employees would be coming in for at least another day or two. Still, something told me it was a bad idea and that I should at least raise the little arm like you see at a railroad crossing where the employees come in, but I didn’t. So I took off my uniform and underwear and went over there wearing only my white t-shirt, hat, shoes, and socks. This place was a good mile off the main highway, so the only time you would see anyone would be when employees drove in or out and when people that worked at another place about a half mile down the road drove past.

Right after I had finished I heard a car coming down the road, and I thought, just run back to the guardhouse, and if I had took off right then I probably would’ve been okay, but I hesitated, and sure enough a pickup truck pulled into the drive. All I could do was hide behind a little shelter that looks like a bus stop where some employees would wait for their rides. This idiot pulls up to the gate that I would normally open after seeing that they had their parking pass in their windshield and just sits there. I couldn’t do anything because I would have to walk right past his truck to get into my office. After a minute he starts blowing the horn. The dumbass should’ve used his i.d. Card on the scanner, which would open the gate if a guard wasn’t there, but either he was too dumb to know how, or he forgot it. All I could do was hope he left, but he kept sitting there blowing his horn, and eventually got out and went to look in the guardhouse. After not seeing anyone he got back in and kept blowing his horn. After about what seemed like 5 minutes I skirted down the drive behind some of the trees that were there, then across the road at the end of the drive. The drive was probably a good 50 yards long and it was dark out, so I hoped once I had to go out in the open I’d be far enough back he wouldn’t see me, even with the streetlights that were on the driveway. After I got back there and went across the road I slipped into the woods, which are pretty thick, on the other side of the drive. I had to walk through the woods, hoping not to fall or get bit by something or scrape my pecker on a branch or something.

I managed to get back near the guardhouse, then basically slithered a good fifteen yards or so from the woods to the door, ducking down and opened the door and more or less crawled to the switch to open the gate. At this point it had been at least 10 minutes he had been waiting there, and he went on in. I got myself cleaned up and finished my work night. I was worried I’d get reported and get in trouble, but after a couple of days nothing happened so I thought I was okay. But about a week later my supervisor said the guy had complained and they had to look at the cameras near the guardhouse. There were only two that were positioned to show the employee license plate if they were speeding and that showed the entrance to the guardhouse, and they saw me coming in like that. My supervisor didn’t want to fire me, but his hands were tied. I really liked that job, but I refused to use the repulsive guardhouse bathroom. I regret nothing.

My favorite part of this is that you called the guy in the truck an idiot and a dumbass.

 

[TheReelEss]

"A man. A simple man. A man with tragic flaws: chronically unemployed because of his Colon's love of nature...mocked by all who once loved him for his below-average peen. Now, through an unlikely chance at love and happiness he has a chance to fix his broken life. Right now, it's just short-term attraction. But together, they hope to stay low, avoid the little problems, and find some small amount of joy. Coming this spring on Netflix, starring JSusc...1 1/2 Tickets to Paradise."

LOL. Maybe "Don't Sweat The Little Things".

 

[importcock]

LOL. Maybe "Don't Sweat The Little Things".

Not to derail the greatest thread ever but this reminded me of one of my favorite phrases: "Don't sweat the petty stuff... Just pet the sweaty stuff".

 

[jsusc]

My favorite part of this is that you called the guy in the truck an idiot and a dumbass.

It's true. He was a fool and a pest and set in motion a chain of events that are still unfolding.

I realize some of my prior posts may indicate I have some problems, but I've been a victim of circumstance. Maybe I'm to blame for having a big heart and taking a risk on a shetland girlfriend that is a rage filled, vengeful boozer. I guess a midget can't change its spots, but I refuse to lower my standards.

 

[jedi_mike]

It's true. He was a fool and a pest and set in motion a chain of events that are still unfolding.

I realize some of my prior posts may indicate I have some problems, but I've been a victim of circumstance. Maybe I'm to blame for having a big heart and taking a risk on a shetland girlfriend that is a rage filled, vengeful boozer. I guess a midget can't change its spots, but I refuse to lower my standards.

I got a good idea,take her to the midget wrestling I posted about a few pages back.if things start to go south ask if she wants to settle it in the ring...but watch out for run in’s...maybe have a few friends there to help out if that happens to help..

 

[radcock]

It's true. He was a fool and a pest and set in motion a chain of events that are still unfolding.

I realize some of my prior posts may indicate I have some problems, but I've been a victim of circumstance. Maybe I'm to blame for having a big heart and taking a risk on a shetland girlfriend that is a rage filled, vengeful boozer. I guess a midget can't change its spots, but I refuse to lower my standards.

How much can she drink before major effects? Is there a magic alcohol level that makes her horny? Is this close to the edge of "angry dwarf"? I have always thought that careful titration is the key, but I would guess you have to be very careful because she has a lower blood volume.

Asking for a friend.